


I'll Be Your Baby Daddy

by TwiceBakedPotato



Series: SpiderDadPool [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mpreg, Sexual Content, Spideypool - Freeform, Wade Is A Giver, all the feels, spideypoolfanfics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2400695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiceBakedPotato/pseuds/TwiceBakedPotato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The life of a superhero is strange. Peter Parker has accepted this after years of being Spiderman with a rogues gallery that belonged in a supervillain zoo. But nothing that Doc Oc ever threw his direction could prepare him for a pregnancy. Specifically, his pregnancy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Under the Weather

**Author's Note:**

> This story sort of popped into my head upon reading this prompt from spideypoolfanfics. This is my first ever Spideypool story, so... I regret nothing.
> 
>  
> 
> Mpreg!nonnie taking the wise!nonnie’s advice and submitting a prompt.
> 
>  
> 
> Peter doesn’t get sick. Well, not really. The rare cold, maybe, but that’s it. So, after a week random bouts of nausea and vomiting (and/or other symptoms of your choosing), Peter starts to get worried.
> 
> When it starts affecting his duty as Spiderman, he finally goes in to see Bruce (or Tony or Strange or random SHIELD doc).
> 
> And, well…okay, it’s definitely a surprise. But, stranger shit has happened.
> 
> And he _had_ been trying to find a way to tell the others he was in a relationship with the mercenary (who was trying really hard to be a superhero, okay, give him some credit).
> 
> [PS: No omega!verse, please. Anything else goes, though.]

It started out as nausea. Just a weird sense of everything twisting inside when Peter Parker took a particularly quick dive, or swung just a little too fast around the corner of a building. The first day it happened was after Wade had talked him into going to a very questionable food truck, so he wrote it off as bad hotdogs. He expected that to be the end of it.

 

Day three found him heaving on a rooftop garden. It was sudden and horrifying. Hell, he didn’t remember eating anything that particular color. So, he cut off his Spiderman patrol a little early and headed back to his apartment to rest. 

 

Just a stomach bug, he imagined. What the hell else could it be? Though, it was strange considering that he hadn’t been sick-sick since that spider bite. His healing factor, though not as impressive as Wade’s or Logan’s, was still mightier than the flu or e.coli. 

 

After a few fitful hours of tossing and turning, with the strangest stomach cramps he’d ever experienced, Peter decided that it might be in his best interest to have himself checked out. There was always a garden variety supervillain working up the next cocktail of horror to take down the supers. When or how he could have possibly contracted this hypothesized superbug was a mystery. 

 

Though it was late in the evening, Bruce Banner was still in his laboratory. He had a sort of agitated look on his face. Not gonna-turn-green-and-smash agitation, just the annoyed, pinched face of someone not getting the results they were expecting from Test Tube #3. 

 

The scientist looked up hearing the door open, and a small smile played on his lips. “This is unexpected.”

 

“Sorry,” Peter started. “If you’re busy…”

 

“Nah. Come on in. I need to take a break anyway.” Bruce tossed aside his clipboard, giving Peter a closer look. “You feeling okay?”

 

“Not really,” Peter answered, his stomach allready protesting the broth he ate before leaving. “Kind of have some kind of stomach issue? It’s probably nothing, but…” Peter told Bruce about the bouts of nausea, the not exactly sanitary hot dog stand (leaving out the bit about Deadpool being there, because Deadpool…), and his week of generally feeling like shit. 

 

Bruce frowned. “Any fever? Chills?”

 

“No. Just nausea, difficulty sleeping…” He shrugged. “I guess that’s it. Like I said, I’m probably just being paranoid.”

 

“Goes with the territory,” Bruce said with a smirk. “I’ll take a blood sample, do some tests. In the meantime, just drink plenty of liquids.”

 

Peter did as the doctor said, returning to his apartment feeling generally like an idiot. People get sick. It happens. It wouldn’t be the first time that a superhero caught a cold. Or flu. Or ebola. Whatever it was, more than likely it would be out of his system before Banner got back to him with the test results. 

 

With a heavy sigh, he flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote. He flipped through a few channels, settling on a marathon of Battlestar Galactica. Thirty minutes into the first episode, his stomach went from nauseated to demanding food. He was about to go raid the fridge, when he heard the familiar sound of his bedroom window being pushed open. A moment later, Wade stepped into the living room, his Deadpool uniform slashed along his left leg.

 

Peter’s brow furrowed at the sight. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I wanted to see you, sweetums,” Wade said as he vaulted over the back of the couch, landing beside Peter with scarcely an inch of space between them. He squinted at the younger man, studying him in the blue light of the TV screen. “You sick?”

 

“Stomach’s bothering me,” Peter said, absently rubbing a hand over his flat belly. 

 

Wade’s brow scrunched. “You don’t get sick, though.” 

 

The concern in the merc’s voice brought a smile to Peter’s face. “I’m fine, Wade. And I already stopped by Banner’s lab to be checked out. If there’s anything wrong, I’ll know by morning.”

 

“Hmmm.” Wade frowned, the mask bunching with the movement. He looked down at the floor, then asked, “Anything I can do? I mean, I’m not much of a nurse, but..." He waggled his eyebrows as he added, "I do have that sexy costume.”

 

Peter laughed, and shook his head. “No. I was just going to eat something, and go to bed.”

 

Wade patted him on the knee. “No worries, baby boy. Doctor Deadpool’ll take good care of you. You just relax.” Before Peter could ask what that meant exactly, the merc was in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards. A few minutes later a surprisingly good aroma was wafting through the air. The sound of clanking dishes was accompanied by Wade's somewhat off-key rendition of "Any Way You Want It". Peter smiled, relaxing down into the couch. While most thought Wade was just a lunatic, Peter had taken the time to get to know him. And yeah, he was bat-shit crazy, but once you got past the voices in his head and his occasional homicidal tendancies, he was a really good friend. 

 

Not to mention the best lay Peter ever had. 

 

When the merc reemerged, he had a large bowl of tomato soup in one hand and mug of hot tea in the other. With amazing dexterity, he kicked a pillow onto Peter’s lap and placed the steaming bowl on top. 

 

Peter inhaled the steam, his mouth watering. Wade stood back, hands clasped in anticipation as the young hero raised the first spoonful to his mouth. He blew across the liquid, lips pursed in a way that made the merc bite the inside of his mouth to keep from moaning. At the first taste, Peter let out a sound that bordered on pornographic. 

 

He looked up at the merc with wide, surprised eyes. “This is damn good.”

 

Wade beamed a smile, though it was hidden under his mask. “Anything to make my baby boy feel good.”

 

Peter took another bite. 

 

***

 

The next morning, Peter woke to the sound of his cell phone ringing and his stomach on the verge of exploding. He rushed to the bathroom, and heaved until his face throbbed and he felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his skull. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Wade’s calloused hand on his back. He’d almost forgotten that Wade had spent the night, having woke up not smelling like sex and covered in dried lube. 

 

Peter leaned into the touch, his head rolling forward to rest against his palm. “I feel like shit.”

 

Wade put a warm hand against his face, and shrugged. There was a note of worry in his voice when he said, “Don’t feel like you have a fever.”

 

“Can you go grab my phone?” Peter asked as he got up off the bathroom floor. Wade departed immediately, and was back a couple seconds after Peter was finished brushing his teeth. He unlocked the screen, and saw Bruce’s number. Peter dialed his voicemail, frowning as he listened to the message. 

 

Anxiety thrummed through Wade as he watched Peter’s face crumple. “What is it?”

 

“Bruce wants me to come to Avenger’s Tower,” Peter said, chewing on his lip. “There was something anomalous with the tests.”

 

“Shit…” Wade said, his shoulders falling. "That's never good, Spidey."

 

Peter slid his arms around the merc's waist, tilting his head to catch Wade's eyes. "It's probably nothing."

 

Couldn't be anything...

 

***

 

Two hours, three blood tests, and an ultrasound later, Peter was sitting on the couch in Banner’s lab with his head in his hands, doing his best to wrap his mind around what the good doctor had just told him. 

 

“I’m...pregnant?” Peter said for the tenth time, giving Banner the same confused expression. Adding, very adamantly, “That’s impossible. Physically, biologically… That’s…”

 

Bruce looked just as lost. “Yes. As a rule, it is impossible for a human male to be pregnant. But…” He again showed Peter the scans, depicting the small peanut growing inside the strange organ that had appeared in Peter’s abdomen. 

 

“Can I get a second opinion?” Peter asked, a note of desperation in his voice. 

 

“I’ve already called Dr. Strange,” Bruce said, again, for the Nth time. “He should be here in a few minutes. Just… Try to stay calm.”

 

“Stay calm!” Peter shouted, hands gripping his hair as he started pacing. “How the hell am I supposed to stay calm! This… I…” The nausea returned with a vengeance, and Peter stumbled to the trashcan, retching up bile. 

 

Bruce frowned and heaved a sigh. “Is there anything that has happened recently that you haven’t told us about? Any strange encounters?”

 

"No!" Peter shouted. "Not any stranger than normal."

 

"Anything at all," Bruce said, studying Peter's face. 

 

Peter was about to shout another denial, when something popped into his head. One of the first nights that Wade had spent at Peter's apartment, the merc woke from a nightmare, shouting and shooting. Wade had babbled about laboratories and someone hurting Peter as he clumsily tried to patch the wall after he woke in a panic. Wade insisted on checking Peter over, looking for scars or cuts or anything that indicated that he had been harmed. Peter indulged him, writing it off as another curiosity of Wade’s broken mind. Just another quirk like his occasional conversations with the boxes and writers in his head. For a few days after, every time he saw Wade or encountered Deadpool while on patrol, the merc brought up the dream. Always apologizing for the hole in the wall, but also looking for signs that someone had cut Peter open.

 

Wade had told him about Weapon X. It was one of those weird, rambling things that came out while they were playing Mario Kart. The way he told the story was like someone would talk about a visit to the grocery store, an inconsequential event and not the thing that made the merc wake several nights a week screaming and sweating. 

 

“Peter?” Bruce asked, making him jump. 

 

Peter stood up, legs shaking. He had kept his relationship with Wade a secret. Well, not so much a secret as he just never brought it up. Everyone knew that the two teamed up for different things, but there was a hint of disdain when the others talked about Deadpool. But with the way his Spidey Senses were tingling at the memory of that night, Peter knew that he needed to bring it up, no matter how strange it sounded.

 

“I have doctor-patient confidentiality here, right?” Peter asked, turning towards Bruce.

 

Bruce nodded. “Within reason, yes.”

 

Peter tensed. “That doesn’t sound like a ‘yes’.”

 

“If it endangers the team or the population? No. Sorry. I’ll have to report it,” Bruce answered, which Peter understood.

 

Which is why ten minutes later, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were standing in the laboratory, alternately scowling at the ultrasound images and Peter. Dr. Stephan Strange had also arrived, and was busily performing various tests, looking for magic residue or any evidence of a spell. 

 

Tony rubbed his temples. “Explain this again. Like I’m 5. Because I’m not exactly grasping how this works…”

 

“Yeah,” Steve chimed in, frowning. “I know I’ve missed a few things in the last 70 years, but…”

 

“I hate everyone,” Peter grumbled, staring at his phone. He’d called Wade five times and had lost count of the text messages. There hadn’t been a response, and every minute that ticked by without any kind of contact made him feel more and more alone.

 

“What the hell does Deadpool have to do with this?” Tony asked, looking at Peter. 

 

Dr. Strange gave Tony a dirty look, then returned his attention to Peter. “How would Mr. Wilson be involved?”

 

“Something that happened about a month or so ago,” Peter answered, staring down at his phone. “He stayed at my place, woke up from a nightmare about us being in some kind of laboratory.”

 

Dr. Strange frowned. “Have you ever had a dream of that sort?”

 

“No,” Peter answered. “At least, not that I remember.”

 

“Why was Wilson sleeping at your apartment?” Tony asked, a note of disdain in his tone. Peter glared at him, and Tony grimaced. He was practically gagging, as he said, “You and him… You? And Deadpool?”

 

“Yes. Me and Deadpool,” Peter grumbled, staring down at his phone that was not ringing at all. 

 

Tony opened his mouth with that snarky look in his eyes, but Steve cut him off. “It is none of our business what Parker does in his downtime.”

 

“I’m just trying to wrap my mind around how… I mean… He’s…” Tony made a couple faces, trying to convey his disgust. “He’s…”

 

“Standing in the room.”

 

Everyone looked towards the source of the gruff voice. Wade was near the windows, tucking his teleporter back into his pouch. Peter jumped up and went to him. Ignoring the feeling of everyone in the room was staring, Peter wrapped his arms around the merc. Wade slung one arm around Peter’s shoulders, white eyes fixed on the group standing by the examination table. 

 

His voice was low, meant only for Peter. “What’s wrong, baby boy?”

 

Peter gripped the merc’s shoulder holsters and took a deep breath. In his entire life, he never imagined that this would be a conversation that he would have to have with anyone. At least, not on this side of it. How the hell was he supposed to say it? 

 

“I…” Peter took another deep breath, feeling light headed. “I’m…”

 

The look of fear in the merc’s eyes was so intense, Peter could practically feel it. 

 

“I’m pregnant,” Peter finally blurted. 

 

“Come again?” Wade said, snorting a laugh.

 

Peter heaved a sigh, and very slowly said, “I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But, I’m pregnant.”

 

For a moment, Wade seemed to have gone offline. He was frozen in place, not moving, blinking, or even breathing. 

 

“Wade?” Peter asked, concerned. 

 

The merc shook his head and blinked a few times. “I think I just had another hallucination. Cuz…”

 

“I’m pregnant!” Peter repeated.

 

“Right. Uh…I think…” Wade swayed, and flopped to the ground unconscious.

 

Tony laughed. “He took that better than I thought he would.”


	2. A Change of Scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole situation starts to sink into Peter's mind. Luckily, Wade is there to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be triggery for some people. The whole forced pregnancy thing.

Wade woke laying on Banner’s couch, Peter sitting by his feet, the young hero’s legs bouncing nervously. The merc took a deep breath, his mind again trying to process the fact that Peter was pregnant. It wasn’t just illogical; it was frightening. 

 

Nightmares were one thing, but that “dream” was different, because it wasn’t some ephemeral thing that faded away once he was awake. It was vivid, like a living memory. He remembered very clearly watching one of the “doctors” slicing open Peter’s abdomen, watched as they placed an object inside. Though his eyes were open, Peter didn’t react to what was happening to him. He was facing Wade, a dead stare that filled the merc with rage. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not move. 

 

Despite knowing what happened, watching… Wade couldn’t recall what the doctors looked like. Their faces and bodies were blank spaces, as if someone had come into his brain and edited them out. The harder he tried to remember, the more agitated he became until he was pacing by the wall, gripping his head as if he could squeeze the memory out. 

 

Dr. Strange hummed a note, and said, “I would suggest attempting hypnosis, but it has never worked on you in the past.”

 

“I know,” Wade growled. “I...I’m fuckin’ useless.”

 

“That’s not true,” Peter said softly, stilling the merc with a soft touch on his shoulder. “You tried to tell me… I just didn’t listen. I’m sorry.”

 

Wade sighed heavily, arms dropping to his sides. “I was right there, Peter. I should have protected you.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Peter said softly. 

 

Wade frowned. “I should have...done something. But all I could do was lay there and watch.”

 

“I’m okay,” Peter said softly, hands going to rest on the merc’s hips. “This is really, really fucked up. But...I’m okay.”

 

Wade sighed. “What are you going to do?”

 

Peter shrugged. “I have no idea. Guess the first thing is more tests. They want to take tissue samples from the, uh, organ thingy.”

 

“Your man-womb,” Wade said with a hint of his usual humor. 

 

“Yeah,” Peter said, huffing a laugh. “After that… I don’t have a clue what to do. The idea of me being pregnant is still just confusing as hell.” His eyes were suddenly burning, and he had to blink away a sudden rush of emotion. He took a deep breath, huffing a laugh as he said, “I’m freaking hormonal.”

 

Wade held him close, nuzzling his face in Peter’s hair. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you, baby boy.” 

 

Peter curled against the merc’s body, and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

At that moment, Bruce came around the corner. He hesitated a moment before clearing his throat and saying, “We’re ready. If you want to come on back…”

 

By the end of the day, they had learned very little, but what they had learned was ultimately frightening for Peter.

 

First, the organ containing the fetus was made of some very tough stuff. The cellular wall was very resilient, not allowing a needle to pass into the interior or the artificial womb. Scraping off a tissue sample was also a difficult task, since cutting the material was nearly impossible. In the end, the only material they could extract was a tiny amount of residue that clung to the needle’s surface. From that small trace of DNA, they determined that at least a portion of the genetic material that comprised the organ was a derivative of Wade’s healing factor. Derivative being the operative word, as it had been amplified to the point of invincibility. 

 

Additionally, the organ, and thus fetus, could not be removed from Peter’s body without severe physical trauma to the young hero. Potentially killing him, as it had integrated into his vascular and nervous system, almost forming an organic kill switch. 

 

As all of this slowly settled into Peter’s mind, he started to become more and more disturbed. Disgusted. Outraged. He felt violated in a way that he never previously imagined possible. How could someone--anyone--force something like this on another person? The more he thought about it, the angrier he got, until Peter was shaking with rage at whatever lunatic had done this to him. 

 

It was decided that in the name of Peter’s safety, he should stay in the Avenger’s Tower. Spiderman had long had a suite reserved in his name, though the hero preferred to live separately. And though it set Tony’s teeth on edge, he eventually gave in and gave Deadpool his permission to stay as well.

 

“As if you could make me leave,” Wade said with a smirk and a middle finger.

 

The suite provided was spacious, much bigger than Peter’s small apartment. The suite consisted of a large, open living area, kitchenette with an amazingly well stocked refrigerator, bathroom with an enormous tub and separate glass-enclosed shower, and bedroom with a king-size bed. Everything was sleek and polished, like a showroom rather than a dwelling.

 

Peter went into the bedroom and opened the closet, surprised to find customized Spiderman uniforms hanging on the rack, Tony’s inventions that Peter seldom used. There was also an assortment of t-shirts and sweatpants, both in his and Wade’s size. 

 

“Looks like they thought of everything,” Wade said, fingering the packaged toothbrushes and toothpaste sitting on the bathroom counter. 

 

Peter sighed, hugging himself as he leaned his forehead against the door of the closet. It wasn’t until he felt Wade’s hands smooth down his arms that he realized he was shaking. 

 

“They took us right out of my bedroom,” Peter said, eyes staring blankly ahead. “They put this...this thing inside me, and I don’t even remember it.” He shuddered a breath, turning in Wade’s arms and burying his face in the merc’s chest. A little shake and the touch of moisture through his suit told Wade that Peter was crying. 

 

Wade held Peter close, and whispered, “We’ll figure it out, okay? We got the biggest brains in the world working on it. We’re in the most secure building in the world, surrounded by superheros. You’re safe. No one…” His voice cracked. “No one’s going to hurt you here, baby boy. No one.”

 

Peter took a deep breath, dashing the moisture from his face as he straightened up. He looked into the eyes of Wade’s mask, and after a shaky breath, said, “Want to try out the bathtub?”

 

In response, Wade scooped Peter up bridal style, planting a smooch on the younger man’s tear stained cheek. “You don’t want to know the things I’ve been imagining since I saw that bad boy. Mm-mm. I’m gonna make my little spider feel like a king.”

 

Once the tub was full, complete with bubble bath that Wade for some reason had stashed in his pouch, Peter climbed in. He relished the hot water and the sweet aroma of the bubbles. His stomach hurt, both from vomiting and from the probes that Bruce had used. There was a bruise just below his belly button the size of a fist. It would be gone by morning, but for the moment it hurt.

 

Wade was still in his clothes, sitting on the closed toilet lid, being very quiet. Unusually quiet. All the while the water was running, the merc’s mouth was running about the need for rubber duckies, which led to telling him about ninja duckies he found in some toy store a while back, which brought him around to a story about saving a kid from a giant robotic teddy bear somewhere in Romania. But now, he sat with his elbows on his knees, staring down at the floor. 

 

“You going to get in?” Peter asked with a small smile. 

 

“We need candles,” Wade answered. “This room is too bright, don’t you think? You need something relaxing. Lavender is a good scent, I’ve heard. For relaxing.”

 

Peter sighed. “There’s a dimmer switch.”

 

Wade looked at the wall by the door and hummed a note. He got up and played with the switches, discovering there were lights embedded in the tub itself. After a little experimenting, the bathroom was cast in deep shadows, and the bubbles looked like they were glowing on top of the water. The light reflected in Peter’s eyes, which followed the merc’s every movement as he started to undress. 

 

Undressing, even in this dim light, made Wade feel self conscious. Maybe if Peter was just some random hook-up and not filed under “Potential Love of My Life”, Wade might have been less hesitant. Peter told him over and over that the scars didn’t bother him, that he even considered them attractive. But Wade had a hard time believing that. He had a hard time believing compliments at all, unless they were about his precision in a fight.

 

“The mask too,” Peter said as Wade started to get in the tub.

 

After a deep breath, Wade pulled the mask off, feeling truly, completely naked. Honestly, under any other circumstances, Wade would have given Peter a flat “no”. But with the day he’d had, making Peter happy was far more important than Wade’s insecurities. If Peter wanted to see his ugly mug, then Wade would do it. 

 

He looked at Peter, and wanted to hide seeing the way the he was smiling. Like Wade was something beautiful, or special. It was a look that made his insides heat up, made his heart hammer against his ribs. 

 

Peter went to the edge of the tub, and held out a bubble-covered hand. “Come on.”

 

Once in the water, Wade pulled Peter to him, tucking him against his chest as he pressed soft kisses to the younger man’s forehead. His hands trailed down Peter’s sides to his slender hips, and Peter let out a soft gasp before covering Wade’s mouth with his own. The kiss was slow and tender, and Peter relished the feel of Wade’s scarred lips against his. His hands roamed the merc’s chest, feeling the contours and texture of his rough skin. 

 

Peter straddled Wade’s lap, biting his lip feeling the thick hardness between the merc’s legs. Wade was hard from the moment he got in the tub, but he wasn’t going to make the first move. Despite his reputation, Wade knew when to behave himself. Peter had a rough day, and he didn’t want to add to that by making unwanted advances. Advances that were actually very wanted, judging by the way Peter was grinding his own erection against the mercs. 

 

Wade’s hands moved from Peter’s hips, sliding down to knead the firm globes of his ass, his mouth placing open mouthed kisses along the younger man’s neck. Every touch had Peter gasping, hot breath ghosting over Wade’s ear sending chills through the merc’s body. And dear god, the sound he made when Wade wrapped his hand around his cock should have been illegal. 

 

Peter loved the rough texture of Wade’s scarred and calloused hands. Loved the way he moved his wrists just right. Loved the strange things he whispered in his ear when he fucked him. Loved when he would spontaneously show up in his apartment for no reason other than he wanted to see his little spider. And in this moment, he loved how the merc could make him forget. 

 

Tomorrow, Peter would think about what to do. Tomorrow, he would go back to freaking out about being an expectant father. Tonight, all he wanted was for Wade to fuck him senseless. And thankfully, Wade had stamina for days. Wade was a giver. Wade was up for the challenge. 

 

A few perfect strokes, and Peter came with a shout that was pure music to Wade’s ears. He didn’t allow Peter to touch him. This night wasn’t about him. And really, just seeing the blissed out look in the younger man’s eyes was enough for the merc. More than enough. He could beat off in the shower and be just as sated, so long as he got to see that look. But he also knew Peter well enough to know that he wanted more. 

 

Once in the bedroom, Wade took his time bringing Peter to the edge of bliss and beyond so many times, they both lost count. He had a running list of all the places that set the young hero on fire. The soft skin behind his right ear. His ribs on the left. That ticklish spot behind both of his knees. If there was a Cult of Peter Parker, Wade Wilson was the High Priest and Chief Prophet. 

 

The sky was starting to brighten in the east when Peter finally passed out. He lay on his side, facing Wade, huddled up against the heated body of the merc like a burrowing critter seeking warmth. Wade smiled, pulled the covers over them both, and drifted off into a thankfully dreamless sleep.


	3. The Reasonable One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Cap have a chat, and Peter has another small crisis.

Wade was the first to wake, and while he could have lived the rest of his life with Peter’s sleep-slack face drooling on his arm, he doubted his bladder could hold out that long. So he carefully extracted himself from the bed, and after a quick visit to the bathroom, he headed to the living room wearing only his red and black briefs. 

 

It took a minute to figure out the remote, but once he did, Wade flipped through the channels, settling on a morning marathon of Supernatural (Dean was so freakin’ dreamy). Then he started playing around on the table-top computer interface, eventually finding his way to Baby.com. He read a few articles, watched a couple of videos that left him a little nauseous, and eventually started playing with the random baby name generator. 

 

After a couple hours and Peter still not awake, Wade decided it was time to make breakfast. The merc hummed to himself as he dug out the ingredients for pancakes, and was fascinated when he found that the refrigerator had an inventory feature that listed all the items inside and their quantities. There was even a menu that generated recipes based on what was inside and also allowed him to place orders for groceries. He was just about to place an order for 100 mangos, when there was a soft knock at the door.

 

After slipping his mask over his face and pulling on a pair of sweats, Wade went to the door to find Steve Rogers standing outside holding a small white bag in one hand an a travel thermos of coffee in the other. 

 

“Good morning, Wade,” Cap said with a smile. 

 

Wade tensed a little, and said, “Uh...Can I help you?”

 

He held out the white bag. “Just bringing these by for Peter. Bruce said they might help with some of the more unpleasant symptoms.”

 

“Oh. Good.” Wade opened the bag and pulled out a couple bottles of vitamins. “So…”

 

“Mind if I come in for a moment?” Cap asked, gesturing with his cup.

 

Wade shrugged. “Peter’s not up yet…”

 

“I actually wanted to talk to you.” Steve was one of those people that had a particualr knack for being extremely earnest and charming. Probably one of those born in the 20’s things. Or 30’s. Or whenever the hell the guy hatched. 

 

It made Wade nervous. “Uh, sure. I guess. Come in.”

 

Steve came into the apartment, taking a seat at the small counter. Wade hopped up on the cabinet by the stove and waited. 

 

“How have you been doing?” Steve asked, hesitantly. 

 

The mask scrunched as Wade made a confused face. “Fine…?”

 

Steve sighed. “I mean, it’s been a while since we talked. And…”

 

“You mean since North Korea,” Wade said, his voice a little hard. He looked down at his bare, scarred feet. “I...I guess I’m doing okay. I mean, I…” He cleared his throat. “The nightmares are nothing new for me, and I didn’t really know the kid… I… I’m doing okay.”

 

Steve took a sip of his coffee, waiting a moment before saying, “With this...With what’s happening to Peter…”

 

“Look,” Wade said as he hopped off the counter. “Things are a lot clearer for me than they were before. Nobody’s wiped my memory in a long time. I remember things. Everything. It’s like my brain is finally working right. Hell, even the voices aren’t as loud as they used to be.”

 

“That’s good, Wade,” Steve said, a sad smile on his face. “I just wanted to tell you that if you need to talk, about anything, be it what happened in North Korea, or what’s happening now, I’ll be glad to listen. Peter’s not your only friend in the Tower, okay?”

 

Wade nodded, feeling a little emotional because Captain freakin’ America just said that he was a friend. “Thanks, Cap.”

 

“You can call me Steve,” he answered. 

 

“Okay, Cap,” Wade said with a smirk. They were silent a moment, and Wade finally gestured to the eggs and bacon sitting on the counter. “You want breakfast or something?”

 

“I already ate,” he said, holding up his coffee cup. “I just wanted to stop by before my meeting with Director Fury.”

 

Wade frowned. “Please don’t tell me I’m part of a report.”

 

“No,” he said with a laugh. “No, we’ve decided to keep this whole Pregnant Peter thing in-house for the time being. Which brings me to the second reason I’m here…” He pulled a cellphone out of his pocket. A special edition Stark Phone, the kind that all the Avengers used, and tossed it to Wade. 

 

The merc looked it over, then looked at Steve. “What’s this?”

 

“It’s one of our team communicators.” He stood up, pulling his own out of his pocket. “We sort of had a short meeting yesterday, and while there was some dissenters, we came to the conclusion that it might be handy to have your help on a regular basis, especially since Spiderman’s going to be on the disabled list until we get this whole thing sorted.”

 

Now Wade was suspicious. “Uh...What exactly would you need me for? I don’t swing from webs. I mean, yeah, our costumes are similar, but that doesn’t m--”

 

“In case we need the extra help,” Steve said, cutting him off. “I know you are more than capable.”

 

“I’m a killer. You know this.” He held the phone out to Cap. “I’m bad for publicity.”

 

Steve didn’t take the device. Instead, he said, “Call it a trial run, okay?”

 

Wade was still hesitant, but he nodded and said, “Okay.”

 

“Now, I’ve gotta run,” Steve said, backing towards the door. “See you later, Wade.”

 

“Later, Cap,” Wade said, still a little stunned. He stood for a long time, trying to wrap his mind around Steve’s visit. It felt surreal after all the times they’ve come into conflict. The Messiah thing, the Dr. Bong thing, the throwing-Deadpool-in-a-nuthouse thing… But now he wanted him as a probationary Avenger? Even with Wade’s better-functioning brain, it didn’t compute.

 

So he pushed it out of his mind, tucked the phone in his pocket, and went back to making breakfast. Or lunch. It was almost noon. 

 

Peter woke to the scent of pancakes and bacon. His stomach growled, and he was grateful that for once he wasn’t on the verge of vomiting. After brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower, he walked to the kitchen in sweat pants and one of the A-logo t-shirts from the closet. There was a plate waiting for him, along with a bottle of pills. 

 

“Prenatal vitamins?” Peter said with a frown as he sat at the bar. 

 

Wade gave him a quick, maple-syrup flavored kiss, and said, “Cap brought them by this morning, sweetums. Banner seems to think they might help you deal with some of the icky symptoms.” He didn’t mention the whole Avenger’s phone thing. That was still confusing.

 

Peter eyed the vitamins and picked up his fork. “I’m not feeling sick this morning.”

 

“Yeah, well morning sickness is kind of a misnomer,” Wade said as he sat next to him. “I spent most of the morning looking up shit about pregnancy. Morning sickness can happen any time of the day.”

 

Peter looked at him. “You spent the morning researching pregnancy.”

 

Wade nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I’m sure it’s gonna be different for you because of the whole man-thing, but gotta be some similarities, right?”

 

Peter didn’t know what to say. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that Wade had even bothered, and for what felt like the hundredth time, Peter had to fight back the urge to cry. With a sort of dopey smile on his face, Peter started eating his pancakes while Wade talked about foods that are high in folic acid, and that he was going to place an order or fresh spinach with the refrigerator.

 

About halfway through the pancakes, Peter’s cell started ringing. Wade immediately hopped up and fetched it for him. Peter accepted it with a smile. A smile that vanished seeing “Aunt May” on the caller ID.

 

“Oh, fuck me,” Peter groaned, covering his eyes with his hand. 

 

Wade raised an eyebrow. “Sure, but can I finish breakfast first?”

 

Peter glared at him through the slit in his fingers. “It’s my aunt. It’s Tuesday. I’m supposed to be having supper with her tonight.”

 

“Invite her to the Tower,” Wade said with a shrug. 

 

“And tell her what?” Peter groaned. “She doesn’t know I’m Spiderman. Why the hell would she need to come to Avengers Tower? How… Oh god… How the hell am I going to tell her any of this! I can’t avoid her for 9 months or however fucking long this is going to last. She’ll freak out. She. Will. Find. Me. And I’ll be all Spidey Mc Baby Bump, and…” Peter sighed. “I don’t know what to do, Wade. I… Fuck...”

 

Wade brushed a tear from Peter’s cheek that the younger man didn’t realize had fallen, then pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “It’s okay, okay? You’ve told me all about the wonderful, incredible Miss May Parker, who loves you more than anything on Earth. Do you think she’s going to love you less now when you really need her?”

 

Peter sniffled, and shook his head. “When the hell did you become the reasonable one? Seriously.”

 

“One of us has to be,” Wade said with a smile. He gave Peter a loud smooch on the cheek, and said, “Eat your pancakes and take your vitamins, and we’ll make arrangements for Miss Parker coming to the tower tonight.”

 

Peter sighed. “You really are the reasonable one.”

 

Wade shrugged, then took a bite of his pancakes. As he chewed, he started chuckling. The chuckle turned into full blown laughter. 

 

“What?” Peter asked, laughing himself. 

 

The merc’s eyes were shining as he asked, “Can I call you Spidey Mc Baby Bump?”

 

“I hate you, Wade,” Peter said without an ounce of hate at all.


	4. Meeting May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May Parker meets Wade and Captain America. Peter learns something about the merc.

Getting May Parker to come to Avengers Tower was easy. Extremely easy. 

 

Getting Wade Wilson to agree to come to the community dining room was a challenge. The next obstacle was convincing Wade to leave the mask off. In the end, Peter resorted to emotional blackmail. Considering how easy it was for him to cry at the moment, it really wasn’t that hard.

 

The only other Avenger that would be attending dinner was Captain Rogers. Since he was the team leader, it was only logical. That, and he was the only one that Wade really felt comfortable around. Deadpool and Captain America had an interesting history, but Peter knew that Steve had changed his opinion of Wade since a mission to North Korea. That was when Cap told Spiderman to keep an eye on Deadpool. Not for the usual “he might kill somebody” reasons, but because Wade needed a friend. 

 

Normally on dinner night, Peter tried to dress up a little. He would wear his best khakis and iron his shirt, sometimes pick up a bouquet of flowers because it always made Aunt May smile. But this time, he was standing down on the main floor of the tower in his Stark-issued sweat pants and t-shirt, and generally dreading everything about life. 

 

He’d rehearsed in his mind a thousand different ways to tell Aunt May everything he needed to tell her. The more he rehearsed, the more anxious he became until he was running to the bathroom and throwing up again. Be it late afternoon morning sickness or just nerves, he had no idea. 

 

But as soon as Aunt May entered the building with Happy at her side (Tony sent his driver), Peter felt both relieved and ten times more nervous. 

 

Aunt May pulled Peter into a tight hug. When she stepped back, she said, “You don’t look like you’re feeling too well.”

 

“I’m…” He sighed. “I’m really not. And that’s half of why I asked you to come here. There’s a whole lot I need to tell you, and…”

 

“Deep breath, okay?” May said, giving his hand a squeeze. 

 

He smiled a weak smile. “Okay. Um… Why don’t we go upstairs?”

 

May nodded, and they got into the elevator. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual. Normally Peter did a lot of talking. Usually about his quest to find a different job or some random story about his neighbor’s cat that was always out in the hall. But right now, he had nothing to say that wasn’t big and earth shattering, so he kept his mouth shut until the elevator doors opened and he saw Wade. 

 

Though it went against the merc’s general hatred of being seen, Wade had offered to wait with him in the lobby, but Peter declined wanting to have a few minutes alone with his Aunt before the avalanche came down. Wade was dressed the same as Peter, except he had a long sleeved shirt and a black baseball cap pulled down low. The merc was fidgeting, crossing and uncrossing his arms, as Peter and May approached. 

 

“Aunt May, this is Wade,” Peter said, gesturing to the merc. 

 

Wade shook May’s proffered hand, his own hands trembling. “It’s, uh, nice to m-meet you Miss Parker.”

 

May smiled up at him. “You can just call me May, sweetheart.”

 

Wade grinned. “Okay, Miss May.”

 

“Are you one of the Avengers?” May asked. 

 

“Uh… No. Not… No, I’m not,” Wade answered nervously. “I’m…” He looked at Peter, looking for any clue how to proceed. 

 

“Wade is my boyfriend,” Peter answered. Really, that revelation was the easiest for him at the moment since May knew for years that Peter liked men.

 

May beamed a smile up at Wade. “Really? Well, this is a special occasion. Peter hasn’t introduced me to someone he’s dating since...Ever.”

 

Wade was suddenly feeling a little emotional himself, and flickered a smile. “I’m...Uh…”

 

“You’re a shy one, aren’t you?” May said, giving Wade a warm smile. 

 

“Just wait until you two get to know each other." Peter slipped an arm around Wade’s waist, adding fondly, "He never shuts up.”

 

“I look forward to it,” May said, grinning at them. Then she sobered. “Okay, now we’ve got the boyfriend out of the way, what’s the real reason you asked me to Avengers Tower? If it’s to tell me you are Spiderman, I’ve known that since you were 17.”

 

Peter’s eyes went wide. Wade let out a laugh. 

 

“How?” Peter finally blurted once his brain started functioning again.

 

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve never been good at hiding things from me, Peter Parker. I found the suit one day when I was picking up laundry.”

 

“You...You knew!” Peter gasped. “All this time? Why didn’t you…”

 

“I figured you’d tell me when it was important,” she answered with a shrug. “Which brings me back to my original question. What’s the real reason you asked me here? Must be something pretty important if you’re telling me your ‘secret’ identity and doing it inside of Avengers Tower. Spill it.”

 

At that moment, Steve came out of the common room. He smiled at May, and said, "You must be Mrs. Parker." He took her hand, gallantly bowing and placing a kiss on her knuckles. 

 

May blushed and beamed a smile at him. "I just got a kiss from Captain America. Be still my heart."

 

"Pleasure to meet you," he said as he looped her arm in his. "Dinner is ready, if you are."

 

Dinner started out with casual conversation. Captain Rogers told May how impressed he's always been with Peter, what an asset he is, how the people of New York were lucky to have a hero like him around. It bordered on overkill, and while May enjoyed listening to Steve sing her nephew's praises, they were here for a reason. 

 

By the time Peter was finished explaining the pregnancy, Wade had decided that May Parker was his favorite person ever. She was quiet, attentive. She didn’t get upset or angry. She listened, offered support when Peter’s voice started to catch. Of all the people who had found out about the situation, May took it completely in stride. Even more amazing was how she didn't bat an eyelash at the thought of Peter being with him, and didn't hesitate one second to shake his hand. 

 

“Sounds like you have the situation, strange as it may be, under control,” she said calmly. "But i do have one question. What will you do once the child is born?"

 

"I really don't know," Peter answered softly, grabbing another tissue. "We've only known for a day."

 

May shrugged her slender shoulders. "Well, whatever you do, I know you'll do the right thing. Just tell me if I should throw a baby shower. For what it's worth, I think the two of you would make excellent fathers."

 

Wade tensed, and Steve looked at the mercenary with an expression that was hard to read. The grip he had on Peter’s knee was bordering on painful before Wade suddenly stood up, and walked out of the room, fumbling over his chair and leaving everyone in confused silence. 

 

Peter stood, and said, "I better go see..."

 

Steve held up a hand, cutting him off. "Give him a minute, Pete."

 

***

 

Peter found Wade sitting in the dark bedroom, his silhouette barely visible in the faint orange light that filtered up from the street through the windows. May and Steve were still down in the dining room talking. Peter waited ten agonizing minutes before he could wait no longer and went looking for the merc. 

 

Silently, he closed the bedroom door and went to sit beside Wade. The merc didn't immediately react to his presence, his eyes focused somewhere in the distance, not seeing the lights of the city, but some memory. Then, like waking from a dream, Wade shook his head and looked at Peter. 

 

"You okay?" Peter asked softly. 

 

Wade nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You know me."

 

Peter found his hand, and whispered, "That's why I know you're not fine."

 

"Just..." Wade swallowed, taking a deep breath. "I never wanted to be a father. I'm not wired that way. I can barely take care of myself most of the time, let alone someone else."

 

Peter was about to tell him that he was wrong about that. He knew how caring and attentive the merc could be, but Wade wasn't finished talking. And what he said next left Peter speechless. 

 

"Then I found out I had a daughter." Wade paused, again swallowing hard. "She...Her name was Eleanor. Ellie."

 

Peter didn't miss the phrasing. Past tense. 

 

He picked at his shirt sleeve as his knee started to shake. "This guy... Butler. He'd been stealing my organs for decades, tagging and bagging me like a goddamn animal. When I figured out what was happening to me, the bastard took this innocent kid and her mother to use as insurance to keep me in line."

 

Something clicked in Peter’s mind. "The mutant detention camp?"

 

Wade nodded. 

 

Peter suddenly felt ill for reasons that had nothing to do with morning sickness. He remembered how after the mission, Logan and Cap both came back looking like they'd been through hell. Peter only knew a tiny bit about what happened through rumors, but what he heard was disturbing. 

 

"I kinda knew about her before that, but..." He sighed heavily. "She was just too beautiful for me to believe she was mine. Still, I'd send money to her mom. I'd imagine that she was happy. Had friends. Maybe in school. That she...that she had a chance to have a good life because I wasn't there to ruin it. And in the end...I'm why she's dead."

 

Silence filled the room, interrupted only by the occasional clearing of Wade's throat as he struggled to keep the tears at bay. Peter had never seen this side of the merc. He was always quick to make a joke when things got heavy, but right now he was losing his facade. 

 

“There are a lot of people out there who want to hurt me,” Wade said softly, breaking the silence. “And since I can’t be killed, they go after the people I care about. Cuz that…” He again cleared his throat. “I don’t want to be the reason you are hurt, Peter.”

 

“We’re in the most secure building in the world, surrounded by superheros,” Peter said, parroting back the merc’s words from the night before. “This is the safest place in the world. Nobody’s going to hurt me. Or you. Or...or the…the kid. Okay?”

 

Wade wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t say anything else. He just sat, holding onto Peter’s hand letting his mind drift into the static where thoughts didn’t happen. Then, he suddenly turned to Peter, and gasped, “Klaatu!”

 

Peter blinked. “Verata Niktu?”

 

“The kid. We should call it Klaatu. It’s the perfect name for our little alien baby,” Wade said, laughing. “It’s kind of gender neutral. It could be Klay for Klate for short. Maybe Tony can make a mobile outta those bits and pieces from the Chitauri junk.”

 

Sometimes, Peter wondered how Wade didn’t get whiplash from his sudden mood shifts. “Okay. So I guess you’re on the side of us actually raising the kid.”

 

Wade shrugged. “I don’t know. Just, might as well plan ahead. I mean, who else better than us, you know? Can’t just give it to a regular couple. This kid’s part Spiderman.”

 

Whether it was the strange nesting hormones that were beating around Peter’s head, or just the sweet way that Wade was looking at him, Peter was starting to like the idea of having a kid in his life. He reasoned that whatever it was that implanted the fetus inside of him would want him to feel this way, but that also brought up another question.

 

“What if…” Peter took a deep breath as his smile fell away. “What if we’re planning for nothing? What if whoever it is comes back? I mean, they did this for a reason, right? Be it aliens or mad scientists or something we haven’t thought of yet, they’re going to want their...the...”

 

“They can want in one hand and shit in the other,” Wade said firmly. “We’ve established. Safe building. Superheroes everywhere.”

 

Peter sighed. “I’m just...I don’t want to get attached to the idea, okay?”

 

Wade nodded. “Okay.” He placed a soft kiss on the corner of Peter’s mouth, and said, “Wanna go back to the dining room?”

 

“Yeah.” Peter stood up, keeping his hand linked with Wade’s as they headed to the hall. 

 

Wade giggled, and said, “You don’t think we’re gonna find them doing something dirty, do ya?”

 

Peter slapped his arm. “That’s my Aunt May you’re talking about.”

 

“Dude, she’s old, not dead. And Cap’s...Really old, but not dead or old,” Wade said, not making anything better.

 

“Please stop talking about my Aunt’s potential sex life,” Peter grumbled as they reached the door. 

 

Though he wouldn’t admit it, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Aunt May was not in a compromising position with Captain America.


	5. Can We Be Excited Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in the Tower, and Thor shows up.

Things kind of started to settle into a fairly normal routine. At least, normal for the situation at hand. Three times a week, Peter would go down to Banner’s lab to have his blood screened and to have another ultrasound. From all views, it seemed that the fetus was growing at a normal, human rate. However, whose child it was, was still a bit of a mystery. 

Dr. Stephen Strange talked Wade and Peter both into undergoing hypnosis, which was pretty much an exercise in futility. Peter had absolutely no memory of the event, no matter how deep he went into the trance state. And Wade… Wade had a lot of memories, but they were all a jumbled mess. He had been taken against his will to many laboratories, by many different groups of doctors and scientists, so many times that narrowing it down to a single event was impossible to do. His entire life was a series of abductions and forced experimentation, and hearing these stories and the fear in the merc’s voice when recounting these events made Peter’s heart ache for Wade. 

By the end of the first month of being in the Tower, Peter and Wade’s suite looked much more like a home. S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were sent to pick up Peter’s clothing and pictures from his apartment, and the walls were decorated with copies of the Daily Bugle, Parker family photos, and Peter’s degrees, all framed and artfully matted. Wade didn’t have a lot in the way of personal items. He had weapons. Lots and lots of weapons. And explosives. So, here and there among the photo frames, Peter created displays of Wade’s katanas and knives. 

Aunt May came to the Tower every Tuesday for dinner night. Wade had managed to acquire a small dining table just for those occasions, and rearranged the living room to make space. Peter decided that Wade could easily switch careers and be a chef with the amazing array of foods he prepared. Not to mention Aunt May had Wade wrapped around her little finger. The second Tuesday she came by, she mentioned something about a type of stuffed manicotti she had once while in a small village in Italy with Ben, and the next week, Wade had somehow procured the very recipe. 

Most days were fairly easy. With a steady diet of ginger ale and saltine crackers, along with the vitamins, Peter’s morning sickness was kept under control. Or at least there were less instances of horrific vomiting. When Peter started showing and his skin started stretching, they developed a nightly routine of massaging lotion into his stomach. This ritual quite often led to sex, or at least a vigerous blow job. 

Every day, Wade found it harder and harder to not be excited. He had to stop himself from letting his imagination go wild as it did before with Eleanor. He didn’t want to think about a supposed future for Peter’s baby. Hell, most of the time, he tried to keep the word “baby” out of his vocabulary. He called it “Klaatu”, and Peter stuck with “fetus” or just “the kid”. They were both struggling to be impersonal, but Wade would sometimes catch Peter with a dopey grin on his face, absently rubbing his belly. In those moments, Wade would let his mind imagine things like him and Peter taking this unidentified child to school, or the three of them watching cartoons, or Aunt May spoiling baby as only grandmothers can. 

They devised a few ways to make sure that both Wade and Peter got some time to themselves. Wade went down to the gym every morning after breakfast, spending a couple hours with the training simulators and destroying punching bags alongside Captain America. He spent a lot of time with the Captain, and when he was there, Logan too. The first night Wolverine showed up and discovered Wade was living in the Tower, he immediately demanded that Wade and Cap join him at the bar for a beer. Wade was reluctant to leave Peter, but at the younger man’s urging, he went along. 

Peter did yoga daily with Bruce. Sometimes Tony would join them, though Peter kind of wanted to punch him in the face when he brought out a copy of Yoga For Mommy To Be. Yoga sessions were were followed by smoothies in Tony’s shop, where Peter would work with the inventor on some of his projects. He worked on improvements to his web slingers, helped with upgrades to DUM-E, processed some of Tony’s patent applications, and generally enjoyed talking science with someone as intelligent as Tony Stark. 

Another part of the daily routine was to spend at least an hour in the common room with the rest of the team. Since everyone was frequently busy with other projects, it was always a different group every day. Bruce and Steve were fairly common faces, but Bruce wasn’t very social and usually spent his time reading. Steve was often catching up on various reports that needed filing, but would sometimes take a break to watch TV. Natasha was least likely to be seen, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t there. Same as Clint, who liked to perch in strange places and make a surprise entrance--a habit that nearly got his jaw broke when he pounced down beside Peter and Wade instinctively threw him across the room. 

Wade wasn’t exactly good at being around people, but that was starting to change. Strangers were one thing, but having to see the same faces all the time was intimidating at first for the merc. But things sort of changed somewhere around week three of living in the Tower. Wade started to lower his guard a little, finally convinced that no one was going to try to kill him or throw him in a cell. Despite the throwing him into the wall incident, Clint and Wade sort of became friends in short order. At least frienemies. They would have impromptu competitions at the shooting range, at darts, or shooting rubber bands at plastic cups in the common room. 

Then, Thor showed up. He’d been gone for a very long time, ever since the ordeal with Malekith. Much of Asgard had been destroyed. Now, with much of the damage repaired, Thor had returned. He’d actually been on Earth for a little while, however he was busy with a certain brilliant astrophysicist rather than staying at the Tower.

Thor entered the common room, his eyes settling on the couch, where Wade and Peter were seated, Peter’s head pillowed on the merc’s lap while they watched Toy Story 2. He immediately noticed the shape of Peter’s pregnant belly, and he walked to the couch.

Wade was the first to see him, and he smiled up at the thunder god. “Thor! How’ya doin’ buddy?”

Thor smiled. “Sir Deadpool?”

“The one and only,” Wade said with a smile. He wasn’t wearing his mask, just the baseball cap. “Guess you never seen this sexy side of me before, eh?”

“Indeed, I have not,” Thor said with a full bodied laugh.

Peter looked up at him. “Good to see you, man. How’s Asgard?”

“Tis healing. Slowly,” Thor said. Adding sullenly, “Tis not the same without mother. Or Loki.” He sighed, then his eyes lit up. “I see you are expecting.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah. Uh… Kind of unexpectedly.”

“I’ve learned many children are not planned,” Thor said without a hint of confusion or curiosity as to how Peter became pregnant. Everyone else wanted to know why and how, but Thor just seemed to roll with it. He grinned at Wade, and said, “Am I to assume that you are the father?”

Wade fish-mouthed a couple times, before saying, “It’s sort of complicated.”

“I have some experience with complicated pregnancies,” Thor said with a nod. “My brother’s first child was a wolf.”

Peter got a somewhat horrified expression, before saying, “I really hope I’m not going to give birth to a canine.”

“Fenrir is an excellent hunter. I am proud to have him as my nephew,” Thor said. Then he studied Peter for a moment. “But there is something… It is hard to define, but I know you’ve been touched by some sort of magic.”

Peter sat up. “But Dr. Strange couldn’t detect…”

“The doctor is not Asgardian,” Thor said with his usual vanity. “I can smell it upon you. It is very strong.” 

Next thing they knew, Peter was in Banner’s examination room with Thor and Dr. Strange, with Wade, Steve, and Natasha sitting in the main part of the laboratory. Wade was pacing a little. He’d been agitated since Peter went into the room without him. 

“This is a good thing, Wade,” Steve said softly. “We might finally understand what has happened to him.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” He plopped down in one of the chairs, his feet drumming out a nervous rhythm. He took a couple deep breaths, blowing out a little fast. 

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “If you’re like this with an examination, you’re going to level the building when he actually goes into labor.”

Wade glared at her, a look that typically caused normal people to piss their pants, but all it garnered from Natasha was a twitch of her eyebrow as she went back to reading her novel. 

“I’m sure everything is fine, Wade,” Steve said encouragingly. “You can trust Thor and Strange. You know they won’t do anything to hurt Peter.”

Wade nodded, resting his elbows on his knees, propping his chin on his clasped hands. He didn’t want to say what was really on his mind, that he was scared this was all the result of some spell. That they were going to lose the kid. Despite Peter’s desire for the merc to stay unattached, he found it was impossible to do that. He’d come to value the life growing inside of his lover in a way he never thought he could value anything. 

The merc never had the luxury of hope. Hope was something that led to sadness and disappointment. Hope broke hearts. And right now, Wade could feel his heart starting to break, and he knew deep down there was nothing he could do about it. And though Peter would never admit it, Wade knew that he felt the same way.

Thor was first to come out of the exam room. He was smiling as he approached Wade. “Peter would like to speak with you, Sir Deadpool.”

Wade had to fight the urge to sprint into the room. His mind created a million horrifying images of what he might see, but all he saw was Peter sitting on the edge of the bed, feet dangling, slowly swaying. When Wade came in, Peter looked up and smiled.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Wade cupped Peter’s face with both hands, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “What did you find out, baby boy?”

Peter could see the worry and fear etched into the merc’s face. He curled his arms around Wade’s neck, giving him a proper kiss before saying, “Thor knows who did this. It’s something that the Asgardians have encountered before. He called them Kjærlighet.”

Wade raised an eyebrow. “That sounds familiar. Norwegian. Means ‘love’.”

Peter nodded. “Something like that. These...beings...whoever they are, they do this sort of thing.” He paused a moment, gesturing to his belly. “They probably took us several times to combine our DNA to make the fetus. And according to Thor, this is actually the second time they implanted me. There’s evidence that the first time, my healing factor rejected what they put inside me.”

“So they used my DNA to make a stronger vessel,” Wade guessed. 

“Yeah.” Peter shrugged. 

Wade’s brow scrunched. “But...I don’t understand… Why?”

“Thor believes they pick people because the Kjærlighet think they deserve some kind of blessing,” Peter answered. “Immaculate conception kind of blessing. The kids...They’re always special. Different.”

“Are you saying Klaatu is the mutant baby Jesus?” Wade said with an incredulous laugh. “Cuz, I’m pretty sure we already have one of those in this universe.”

Peter smiled. “I don’t think it’s quite like that.”

Wade nodded. “But...What about the kid? Do they come back for the kid?”

Peter gripped Wade’s shirt, and said, “No. That’s not what they do.”

Wade still looked uncertain. “So can we…”

“Yes, we can be excited now,” Peter said, a big grin on his face even as his eyes overflowed.

Wade brushed the tear sliding down Peter’s face with his thumb, kissing his forehead, his cheek, his nose, finally devouring his lips. When they parted, they were both panting.

“Take me to the bedroom,” Peter whispered. 

Wade scooped him up in his arms, and said, “You don’t have to tell me twice, baby boy.”


	6. Shopping and Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's wardrobe gets updated, and the Avengers Assemble.

The department store was packed the Tuesday after Thor gave Peter and Wade the good news. It was the first time in nearly two months that Peter had left Avengers Tower, and he was ecstatic to be out in the clear air, but even more thrilled to buy pants that actually fit, instead of wearing sweats or, lately, Wade’s jeans. 

Now, as Peter and Wade walked around the men’s clothing department, Peter was slowly realizing that finding things that fit would be a challenge. Men’s clothes were not designed for pregnant people. 

“We could always go to the maternity section,” Wade suggested with a shrug as Peter exited the dressing rooms. 

Peter glared at him. “Seriously?”

Wade gave him a shark’s grin. “I shop in the ladies department all the time.”

A blush spread over Peter’s face. The first time he’d seen Wade in a dress had been a shock to his system, especially when the merc was babbling about being on the run from a killer monkey. That was long before their relationship developed, and Peter just figured the merc was trying to get attention. 

However, when they finally moved in together at the Tower, Peter realized that Wade genuinely enjoyed women’s clothes. He had an assortment of dresses and undergarments. Most of the time under his uniform, he wore lace panties (when he wasn’t going commando). The fact that Wade was so incredibly strong and fierce, but would indulge himself with soft, feminine things… It was incredibly sexy.

Peter bit his lip. “I guess we could give it a shot.”

Wade kissed his cheek, and said, “Just remember, it’s all the same fabric, baby boy. Just cut a little different.”

They made their way to the opposite end of the floor, passing through the baby section along the way. Both Peter and Wade got wrapped up in looking at Avengers onesies. Wade squealed with joy finding a Spiderman. 

By the time they made it to the maternity department, Wade had an armload of baby stuff. There was a stuffed Spiderman chibli, Baby Avengers blanket, bottle that looked like the housing for a lightsaber, and a red and black baby bjorn that Wade intended to put a Deadpool patch on the straps. 

Though hesitant at first, Peter discovered that maternity pants were actually the answer to the problem. With both him and Wade looking through the racks, they found several pairs that looked comfortable and manly enough to suit Peter’s tastes. Some dark washes, a couple cargo style khakis, a pair of black dress pants. 

They left the store loaded down with shopping bags. It was getting close to 4 o’clock, and they needed to get back to the Tower to get ready for their weekly family dinner. Ever since Aunt May heard the news that Baby Klaatu was safe, she’d been on cloud nine. She was busy dragging Peter’s baby things out of storage, and organizing a baby shower for when it got closer to the time of birth. 

The whole birth thing was still a little hazy. The implanted womb had all the functioning parts that were needed for the growth of the baby, but at what was estimated to be the beginning of the second trimester, there was no evidence of an exit route for when the bun was done. Thor seemed convinced that Peter’s body would be prepared when the time came, but how, not even the god of thunder knew.

They stepped out of the elevator, and saw Steve walking towards them in his uniform. 

“Something up, Cap?” Peter asked, setting down his bags. 

“Just a small situation in the subway near here,” he answered, swinging his shield onto his back as Clint and Natasha appeared in the hall. 

Wade raised an eyebrow. “We assembling?”

Steve shook his head. “No. Should be easy for us to handle, but keep your communicators on just in case.”

“No problem,” Peter said with a smile. He missed going out with the team, but now it was too dangerous for him. He knew this. With the way he fought, falls were always a possibility, as was being punched and thrown. 

Though he knew it was impossible for Wade to die, Peter still worried about him every time he went out on a mission. Before, it never really bothered him when Deadpool got beaten up or hacked to pieces, but now that the two of them were expecting a child (and Peter was awash in baby hormones) just a few scratches were enough to make Peter panic. 

Aunt May arrived at precisely 6 o’clock via the secret entrance below the Tower. Since she became the unofficial Den Mother for the Avengers, May Parker was given a tower ID badge and codes to get into all but the most secure floors. When there were big missions where the Avengers were out for a few days--especially if Wade was with them--May would stay with Peter, and stick around to help patch up injuries when the team returned. And considering that most of the Avengers were lacking in the parental love department, they all welcomed her when she was there to take care of them. Especially Tony, who would be sullen and snarky, but never missed a chance to give Aunt May a hug before she left the building.

And Steve… Peter was certain that Steve Rogers, Captain America, was interested in May Parker in ways that had nothing to do with her motherly nature. 

On this night, Wade prepared hoisin pork roast, with herb roasted potatoes, steamed greens, and fried apple pies. Peter was in the bedroom changing when May came through the door. She immediately went to the kitchen and gave Wade a hug. 

“Smells good, handsome,” she said smiling up at the merc. 

Wade kissed the top of her head, and said, “Thanks, pretty lady.”

She laughed, patting his arm. “You are such a suck up.”

Wade chuckled. “But you love me. Admit it. I’m a charming motherfucker.”

May slapped his arm. “Language, young man.”

“Sorry, Miss May,” he said, thoroughly chastised. 

Peter came out of the bedroom the same time the roast came out of the oven. May and Peter set the table, while Wade sliced the meat onto platters and added the finishing touches to the vegetables. 

As they ate, they told May about their shopping trip. And Wade got a little too excited and had to step away from the table to show her all the cutesy Spiderman items they found at the store. May sat back and enjoyed watching Peter and Wade as they bantered on about to convert a section of the bedroom into a nursery. They were happy, the happiest she’d ever seen them. The happiest Peter had been in a very long time. 

“You aren’t really going to name your baby Klaatu, are you?” May said. 

Both Peter and Wade laughed. Peter said, “That’s our placeholder until we know what we’re actually having.”

May took a drink of her sparkling grape juice, and asked, “Any ideas for names?”

“Not really,” Peter answered, just as Wade said, “Ben or Mary.”

May and Peter both looked at Wade, and the merc shrugged. “Supposed to use family names, right?”

Peter smiled. “Wade, I--”

He was cut off when “Iron Man” started blaring out of Wade’s communicator. Wade got up and grabbed the device off the counter. Peter could hear Tony’s voice on the other end, and could tell by the tone and Wade’s expressions that something was wrong.

Wade hung up, a frown on his face. “Looks like things are getting a little hairy. They, uh… I need to go.”

“I’ll take care of the dishes,” May said as she stood. 

Peter followed Wade into the bedroom and sat on the end of the bed while Wade changed. Though Tony was initially Wade’s loudest detractor, he had taken the time to create a new, reinforced Deadpool suit out of the same tough material used to make Captain America’s. Peter helped with the zips and straps, handed Wade his weapons and finally held out the mask. 

Wade kissed him, long and passionate, and whispered, “I’ll be home soon.”

“I’ll be in the communications bay,” Peter said softly. “Be careful.”

“Always am.” Wade kissed him again. “I love you, baby boy.”

Peter stared at the merc with a stunned smile on his face. Like everything Wade ever revealed, he did it without preamble, like it wasn’t a big important thing that this was the first time those words had exited his rough lips. His voice still dazed, Peter finally whispered, “I love you too, Wade.”

One more kiss, and the merc was out the door. 

***

It started in the sewers, a parade of automatons that at first appeared to be easy to defeat. Then the pieces of broken robots started reforming into other robots. Larger robots. More destructive. Deadly. And no matter how many they took down, it seemed there were always more in the pipeline.

By the time they realized that they were pouring out of a portal, there were literally thousands of the monstrosities in the streets destroying the city. 

The Avengers, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, and every other part time crime fighter was working along side the police, the National Guard, and military to stop the onslaught. Deadpool was in the middle of the fight near Times Square, hacking his way through the tide with glee because there was no chance of hurting anyone. He’d even managed to save a few civilians. Might have scared the hell out of them, but he saved their lives. 

The idea of sitting at the Tower and doing nothing when so much bad was happening was out of the question for Peter, pregnant or not. So he was in the command center with Aunt May, both of them monitoring the city, and sending intel out to the team. Though the entire team was important to him, he kept a close watch on Wade’s location. Every time he took a hit, Peter had to remind himself that Deadpool could not be killed. 

Shortly after the sun rose, Wade got his side ripped open and had to spend half an hour holding his guts in place. Peter’s voice was in his ear, asking for his status, and Wade had to lie to keep that fearful tone at bay. He didn’t like lying, but he didn’t want Peter to worry. More importantly, he didn’t want Peter to try and come to the rescue. 

By the time it was over, the human casualties were in the hundreds. Several city blocks were more or less levelled. Every firefighter in the city was deployed in a way they hadn’t been since the Chitauri. It was three days before Wade and the rest of the Avengers finally returned to the Tower. 

Though he was exhausted, having only caught a few hours of sleep at the monitoring station, Peter was waiting for the team. Well, he was waiting for Wade. And when the Merc finally came into the building, Peter rushed to him, pulling off the mask to give him a kiss that left them both a little breathless and light headed. 

“I missed you,” Wade whispered.

Peter caressed the merc’s face, seeing dried blood from a new gash on Wade’s cheek. “I wanted to be there with you.”

“You were watching my back, baby boy.” Wade brushed his fingers through Peter’s mussed hair, and added, “Best backup I’ve ever had.”

Peter smiled against Wade’s lips, and kissed him once more before stepping back and realizing that they had an audience. 

Aunt May was there to take his place, wrapping her arms around the merc and giving him a soft squeeze. “Glad to see you’re okay, honey.”

Wade was grinning. “You have no idea how awesome it is to be greeted like this.”

The three of them got in the elevator with Clint and Natasha. Natasha had bruises on her neck and a couple gashes on her upper right arm. Clint had a couple burns on his cheek, the knuckles on both hands were skinned, and the sole was separated from his left boot. 

Natasha’s communicator beeped, and after glancing at the message, she mumbled, “Tony’s ordered food for everyone.”

“Food is good,” Clint said, kind of dazed. 

The doors of the elevator opened, and the group stumbled to the communal dining room. Wade ate and ate, his body trembling from the exertion of healing itself over and over. He was ravenous, barely tasting anything that went into his mouth. Everyone seemed to have the same dazed look. Even Thor was about to fall asleep into his bowl of chow mein. 

After devouring every scrap from the table, the team started drifting towards their rooms. Though he didn’t intend to do it, Wade leaned a little on Peter as they walked to their room. The merc was exhausted. 

Just as he helped him dress, Peter helped Wade out of the suit, frowning at all the gashes and caked blood. Once he was naked, Peter led him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. After undressing, he guided the merc under the spray, using the soft sponge to gently scrub away all the blood, char, and funk from three days of fighting. 

Wade hummed low in his throat, enjoying Peter’s ministrations. Though his eyes could barely stay open, he did his best to kiss and caress Peter, to try to demonstrate with his hands and lips what his brain was too tired to express with words. 

I need you. 

I love you. 

Thank you. 

Then suddenly, Peter was toweling him off, and Wade didn’t even remember getting out of the shower. He walked on unsteady legs to the bedroom, falling gracelessly onto the bed. He wiggled a little bit, snuggling up to Peter, their foreheads resting together, Wade’s big, warm hand resting on Peter’s belly. 

It didn’t take long for them to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	7. The Quickening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter have some quality time together post-attack, and have a bit of a scare.

The days following the attack were stressful in the tower. The blame game was in full swing with the media, and as usual, the main targets were the superheroes that reside in the city. There were reporters camping out around the perimeter of Avengers Tower, watching and waiting for anyone to enter or exit. 

“It’s like they don’t get that the reason we are needed is because of these fucked up threats,” Clint growled, throwing four kernels of popcorn at the TV, hitting each anchor on the screen in the middle of the forehead. “We’re not the ones who were destroying property!”

Steve stood by the wall, head tilted with a small frown on his face. “We can’t control public opinion.” 

“Public opinion sucks,” the archer grumbled, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “I mean, one second they’re blaming us for it happening, the next they’re complaining we’re not doing enough. What. The. Fuck.”

Wade snorted a laugh, and Clint glared at him. 

“What’s so funny, Scarface?” he snapped.

Wade just shrugged, plunging his hand into the bowl. “Considering the plethora of villainous types that have been targeting this fair city the last three quarters of a century, I don’t get why people are surprised anymore. Seriously, they should move to some nowhere place that the bad guys don’t give a damn about.”

“That’s not the solution either, Wade,” Steve said softly. “People can’t just relocate. And this city is inherently dangerous. Truth is, the city is targeted because of us. But if we weren’t here, it would still be targeted because when things happen in New York City, the world sees it.”

“This shit never happens in Toronto,” Wade said as he stood and stretched. 

“Love it or leave it, baby,” Clint said with a smirk. 

Steve yawned, and said, “I think I’m going to hit the rack myself. Got four hours until Thor and the others get back from the clean up site.”

Wade jammed a finger into Steve’s chest, and said, “I swear, Hulk tosses one more piece of building on me, I’m gonna file a grievance.”

“At least you have a healing factor,” Clint grumbled. “He smashed my toe three days ago. Still hurts.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll have Coulson bring the paperwork.”

“I feel the love, Cap. I truly do,” Wade said as he backed out of the common room, then turned on his heels and started towards his and Peter’s suite. He was humming the tune to “Only the Lonely” as he rounded the corner and Aunt May came out of their door. She hadn’t left the tower since the attack.

She gestured over her shoulder. “Your baby boy is sleeping.”

Wade smiled. “Good. He needs it.”

May patted his cheek. “You need some rest too, sweetheart. Your eyes are darker than usual.”

“I’m gonna take a nap after I get something to eat,” he promised, loving that she cared enough to worry about him. It was a new experience. Not even his own mother ever really cared about him enough to worry. 

“There’s lasagne in the fridge.” She gave him a hug, then patted his arm, and said, “I’m going to go see if there’s anything I can do down in the common room.”

“Say hi to Cap for me,” Wade said with a cheeky grin that only grew when May swatted his arm.

Once in the suite, Wade ate most of the leftover lasagne, drank a two liter, and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before climbing in bed. 

Since the attack, he and Peter had barely been in the same room together for more than a few minutes at a time, at least while conscious. Peter had exhausted himself completely during the fight, even though he wasn’t fighting. And though he didn’t express it, Wade knew that he felt guilty for not being there. 

Wade nuzzled up against Peter’s back, burying his face in the younger man’s neck and inhaling the sweet scent of his soft skin. Peter wiggled back a little, pressing his butt against Wade’s muscular thighs. Wade’s hand gently stroked Peter’s side, a feather light touch that sent a tremor through Peter’s body. 

Peter rolled onto his back, and Wade was waiting to kiss him. 

“Hey,” Peter said softly, his eyes still at half mast. 

Wade kissed him again, and said, “Hey, sexy.”

Peter laughed. “Hardly.”

“Eres mi hermoso pequeño araña,” Wade whispered against his ear. “Mi corazón, mi vida.”

Peter whimpered. There were so many things the merc could do to turn him on, but the one that was the most intoxicating was his use of other languages. The way they rolled off his tongue, as if he was born speaking Spanish, Arabic, Bengali, Swahili, Mandarin, or any number of other tongues. Most of the time, Peter had no idea what Wade was saying. Though, he now knew how to say “spider” in twelve languages. 

With a swift motion, Peter pushed Wade onto his back and climbed on top of the merc. He smiled down at the him as Wade’s hands kneaded Peter’s thighs. Wade raised himself up, meeting Peter for another slow kiss, as Peter ground his hips down against Wade’s rapidly hardening cock. Wade let out a breathless moan. He broke away from the merc’s mouth, kissing down his rough, scarred neck, nipping at his collar bone. Wade’s head fell back, as Peter lapped at his nipple. 

Peter loved to touch and kiss the merc’s skin. When they first started their relationship (read: started fucking on rooftops), Wade refused to take off his clothes at all. Even told Peter that he didn’t want to disgust him. It took time, a lot of time, but when he finally convinced the merc to remove his shirt, Peter made sure to show him that there was nothing disgusting about his wounded body. 

Truth is, Peter found the merc’s scars incredibly sexy. They were proof of the hell that Wade had been through, physical emblems of the pain he had endured. A roadmap that led the merc from madness to this moment. Not once, not even the first time, did Peter ever shy away from touching him. 

When Peter’s mouth reached Wade’s hipbones, the merc’s head came up to watch as Peter wrapped a hand around his cock. Peter licked his lips, dark brown eyes looking into Wade’s honey gold ones as he licked across the head. 

“Oooooh, baby boy, baby boy,” Wade gasped as his cock was enveloped in the tight, wet heat of Peter’s mouth. He would never get used to this, to seeing the blissed out look on Peter’s face or the way the younger man moaned like Wade’s cock was his favorite treat. All the sweet sounds, the feel, the sight of this beautiful man was enough to bring him to the edge. 

Wade bit his lip, hand stroking through Peter’s hair before gently grabbing the strands. Peter quickened his pace, taking his cock into his throat all the way until his lips were pressed against the merc’s pelvis. Wade tensed, and gasped, “Gonna...I’m....nngh…”

Peter repeated the motion two more times, and Wade was coming. He swallowed, sucking Wade’s cock until the merc was shaking from the overstimulation. A moment later, Peter was on his back with Wade licking into his mouth, hand stroking Peter’s neglected cock. 

“You treat me too good,” Wade said against Peter’s neck, lips brushing against that sensitive spot below his ear, sending a shiver through his body. 

Wade knew exactly how to please him. Though the merc had proved several times that he could get Peter off in less than a minute if he so desired, Wade liked to take his time. Always drawing out the pleasure until Peter was begging to come. 

The merc nuzzled his face against Peter’s stomach, kissing just below his belly button as he stroked a thumb across his balls. He pressed hot, open mouth kisses against the juncture of his hip, the soft skin of his inner thighs as he slipped an arm under his left leg. 

Peter held his breath, anticipating the wet feel of the merc’s tongue. Instead, he felt an alien sensation inside. He jerked upright with a surprised shout. Wade jumped back, eyes wide. 

“Peter?” he said, voice worried. 

The trembling inside continued, and Peter’s heart started racing. “I...something…” He looked at his belly then at Wade. “Something...something’s happening.”

A couple minutes later and both dressed in only boxers, Wade and Peter were knocking on Banner’s door. Peter was holding his stomach, biting his lip and shaking as Wade pounded on the door again, his gruff voice shouting, “Banner! We got an emergency here!”

Steve’s door opened down the hall, and Aunt May came out wearing one of Cap’s oversized shirts. For a moment both Wade and Peter forgot why they were standing in the hallway as what they were seeing started to sink in. 

“Aunt May?” Peter said, his eyes wide. 

“Quit gaping,” she said, closing the distance. “I heard shouting. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Peter. The baby,” Wade said, gesturing towards Peter’s stomach. 

The twitching sensation happened again, and Peter gripped his stomach. “Something’s happening. Something’s moving. I don’t know what’s wrong, but…”

May rolled her eyes, fighting the urge to laugh at the two panicking men. “That’s the baby kicking.”

“What?” Peter gasped. “But it…”

“Does it hurt?” May asked patiently.

Peter’s face scrunched. “No…?”

Steve came out of his room wearing only athletic shorts. He casually slipped an arm around May’s shoulders, and asked, “Everything okay?”

Wade grinned. “Uh, yeah. I guess…”

“The baby is kicking,” May said, grinning. “These two didn’t know what was happening.”

Peter’s face was burning as he said, “I’d still like to check in with Bruce. Just to make sure. I mean...alien baby, right?”

Steve looked up at the ceiling, and said, “JARVIS, where’s Bruce?”

The AI answered, “Dr. Banner is currently in Tony’s laboratory. I have already informed him that Mr. Parker and Mr. Wilson are at his door.”

Ten minutes later, Bruce stepped out the elevator with Tony at his side, sleep mussed and giving Wade and Peter a dirty look. Once inside, Bruce did a quick ultrasound, and Peter and Wade watched with amazement as the fist-sized baby moved its legs. 

“Looks like everything is good,” Bruce said, studying the monitor. “The wiggling is a little early, but that’s nothing to worry about.” He looked at Peter and Wade, a half smile on his face. “Want to know the gender while we’re here?”

Peter bit his lip, looking at Wade. Wade shrugged, and said, “Up to you, baby boy.”

“Sure,” Peter answered, with a shrug. 

Bruce slid the probe lower on Peter’s stomach, and said, “Judging by this little appendage here, I’m thinking you’ve got a boy on the way. Congratulations.”

Peter couldn’t stop staring at the small, wiggling image on the screen. It was that moment, watching the baby in motion that it really sank in that there was a life growing inside of him. That realization made everything feel light and beautiful, and he gripped Wade’s arm as tears filled his eyes. “I can’t believe it…”

Tony cleared his throat, getting rid of the dopey grin he was sporting, replacing it with his usual cynical expression before anyone could see it. “Great. Kid’s kicking. Can we go back to sleep now?”

Bruce patted Peter’s shoulder, and said, “Usually, if there’s no pain, you’re probably okay.”

Peter was still grinning. He nodded, and looked at the others. “Sorry for waking you all.”

“Perfectly fine, Peter,” Steve said, smiling big. 

May hugged both Wade and Peter, giving them both a kiss on the cheek. “You silly, wonderful boys. Go get some rest.”

Once back in their room, Wade lifted Peter off the floor, doing a little twirl. He kissed him as he set Peter back on the ground, both his big, warm hands settling on Peter’s stomach. “We’re having a boy, baby boy.”

Peter laughed merrily. “I still can’t believe it. It’s---He’s really alive. Inside me. It’s...I’m...I can’t…” He pressed his hands to his face, feeling almost like he was going to vibrate out of his skin at any moment. “It’s real. It’s really…”

Wade pulled him against his chest, kissing Peter’s forehead. “This is a good day.”

“The best day,” Peter said, voice muffled against Wade’s skin. Then he suddenly jerked upright, his eyes wide. “Aunt May is sleeping with Cap.”

Wade laughed. “She is the envy of cougars everywhere.”

Peter’s face was turning pink. “God, we must look like a couple of idiots freaking out like that.”

“I’m used to it by now,” Wade said with a grin and smooch on the tip of Peter’s nose. Then he wiggled his eyebrows, and said, “How’s about I finish what we started earlier?”

Peter nodded. “Sounds like an excellent idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eres mi hermoso pequeño araña -- You are my beautiful little spider
> 
> Mi corazón, mi vida -- My heart, my life
> 
> Note: I am not fluent in Spanish. I can ask for directions to the library, describe a house, and order beer. I've never tried to seduce someone with my linguistics. Thus, if I have this wrong, let me know. :)


	8. All That Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade goes out on a mission, and Peter has to deal with the consequences.

Wade lay on his stomach atop a crumbling building in the warehouse district, eye to the scope of his sniper rifle, following the movements of Captain America as he approached a group of shady looking informants. A tip had come in via an undercover agent that the people behind the robotic attack of two months ago was part of the worldwide crime organization, ULTIMATUM. Wade had tangled with them multiple times in his life, most notably during the Rumekistan revolution. Overseen by the late Nathan Dayspring Priscilla Summers, god rest his techno-organic soul.

There were many occasions when the merc found himself reminiscing about his time with the time traveler, and he was doing that tonight. There weren’t many good memories. Nathan lied to him and manipulated him at every turn, but there were a few times that really felt like they were happy together. Even after their separation, Wade still found that he cared for the guy. When he found out that Nathan was dead… For a time that was enough to break him.

Now, life was better than it ever was with the mutant messiah. Peter was loving and kind, wasn’t manipulating him, wasn’t trying to change him. Wasn’t banging some Panda-eyed hussy behind his back. And then there was the baby. In Wade’s wildest fantasies, he never imagined that he would have a chance like this. Every day, he thanked whatever powers and deities out there that chose to let him be happy. 

In the scope, he saw the informant approaching with a man in the white uniform and black baret of the ULTIMATUM douche bags. Wade’s trigger finger was twitching to just fire and get it over with, but Cap was adamant that they talk. Talking never did much good, in the merc’s opinion. A bullet through the head was always a highly effective message and solution. 

Somewhere in these buildings, there were a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, just waiting to swarm the place and arrest all the ULTIMATUM goons. Hawkeye and Natasha were stationed somewhere nearby. Cap and the leader were talking, and Wade wanted to get to the part where the shooting started so this shit could end and he could get back to Peter. 

Peter was getting big now. In the last couple months since the kicking started, his belly was practically doubled in size. Judging by the baby’s size and position, Banner figured that the kid would be born sooner than the 9 month mark. There were probably only 6 to 8 weeks left before Benjamin Winston Parker-Wilson arrived. 

Before leaving on this mission, Wade spent two days solid in the suite, working on preparing the nursery. The bedroom was large enough that they could section off a nice sized space for a changing table, bed, and rocking chair. The rocking chair was something Aunt May provided, draped with a handmade quilt from two generations of Parker’s ago. It was soft, made of a hundred different types of fabrics, all odds and ends combined. Wade loved it because it was soft and had a history.

Assembling the crib had been a challenge. The instructions that came with the monstrosity were like staring at a blueprint for the Large Hadron Collider. It was the type that was meant to convert into a toddler bed once the kid was old enough. Hypoallergenic mattress, padded to prevent pinching and promote healthy sleeping positions. Peter did all the research. 

Once it was complete, with the powder blue sheets and pink and yellow quilt, with the little Spiderman plushy by the pillow, both Peter and Wade stood in the small room smiling like idiots for a solid hour. 

Aunt May organized a baby shower, which would be in two weeks at the Tower. Peter made up invitations with an adorable mashup of their masks superimposed over a baby rattle on the front. Of course the Avengers were invited. That was a given, along with their significant others. Wade invited Weasel, Blind Al, and Bob. 

Through the scope, Wade caught a suspicious movement from the ULTIMATUM goon, snapping him out of his thoughts. He zeroed in on the guy’s chest, and a moment later Cap was surrounded by men in white uniforms. Wade did a quick calculation, and knew that with a few carefully placed bullets, he could take out 10 of the nearest goons without having to reload. 

“Nobody is going to be killed,” Cap had told him before they left the Tower. “Disable targets, no killing.”

Wade kind of wanted to kill something, though. He wanted this to be done. To get back to Peter, back to snuggling on the couch. Really, this whole being a hero business was very time consuming. He chambered a round and waited. 

And waited. 

Finally, Cap raised his hand in a fist, the signal that it was all over. Wade sighed heavily, and started disassembling his sniper rifle. Not getting to take a shot when he was on target like that felt like bad sex; all build up and no boom. Oh well, he reasoned. He would see Peter soon, and there would be no paperwork. Or at least less paperwork. Coulson was a monster when it came to mission reports. 

Once the gun was in the case, Wade stood to head towards the rooftop door, only to find three ULTIMATUM men standing in his way. Their weapons were drawn, and Wade smiled under his mask. Maybe there would be some boom. 

“You guys get lost or something?” Wade asked. “Cuz you must be lost if you think shooting me is a good idea.”

There was the sound of compressed air, and a syringe embedded itself into his chest. Wade stumbled back, pulling the dart out as his vision started to blur. He stumbled back, making a show of it as he whipped out a handgun, firing three shots. He barely tried to aim, and hit each one of the goons square in the chest. 

But they weren’t alone. There were others, popping out of everywhere like cockroaches. And the drugs… Whatever they shot him with was doing a number on him, and his healing factor was not keeping up. Nope. This was not a good situation. 

He staggered towards the ledge, firing fast as he could but not hitting much with his double vision. Down below on the street was chaos. Cap was throwing his shield. Tony was firing repulsor blasts. Hulk was smashing. Thor was thundering. Hawkeye was… Wade couldn’t see him. He was having trouble seeing anything all of a sudden. 

Then all he could see was the pavement rushing towards his face, and all he could think was, “Please, don’t let Peter see me like this.”

***

Wade found himself standing in a hazy darkness. A familiar hazy darkness, one he had been in many times before. He was dead, and he had only to turn around to see the beautiful mistress Death, clothed in her shadowy robes. 

She opened her arms to him, and said, “My love.”

“Long time, no see,” Wade said as he walked to her. 

Death reached for him, her skeletal hands skimming down the line of muscle in his bicep. “Always with me for such a short time, my love. But this time, I see you are eager to leave.”

“Sorry, baby,” Wade said with a lopsided grin. “My heart’s been stolen by a spider and a baby.”

“I know of your new love,” she said, hollow eyes looking down and away. “I will not say I am happy for you, but I accept that this has always been our fate. Always to love, but to never be together.”

Wade touched her shoulder. “Baby, I know it’s been rough. For so long, you were the only thing in the whole universe I wanted. I tried to get to you in every way possible. You were my unicorn, my unattainable. My unimaginable…”

Her thin, hard finger pressed to his lips. “Hush, my love. You don’t need to explain. We only have moments, now.” She slipped her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder. “Hold me one last time, please. Before you go back to the light.”

“Of course,” Wade said softly. 

She sighed contentedly. “You know you are still destined to come back to me.”

“We all are,” Wade sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope I don’t see you again for a very long time.”

“You won’t, my love,” Death whispered. 

***

Peter sat in the dimly lit medical unit, head resting against a soft pillow provided by one of the S.H.I.E.L.D. nurses, arms resting on top of his big belly. His eyes and face were red from crying. He’d seen Wade come back from all kinds of injuries, some very extreme. But seeing him wheeled in on a gurney, all of his limbs laying at odd angles, head bashed in on one side… Peter lost it. 

He’d been here for hours, wrapped up in one of Wade’s hoodies. It was a dirty one that the merc had left laying on the floor by the bed, the same blood red as his uniform with a soft black lining. Peter put it on as soon as Wade left for the mission. He’d cried then too. Peter cried a lot these days, over everything. Happy or sad. Sometimes he would feel embarrassed by the sudden influx of emotion, and Wade would just wrap his big, muscular arms around him and say, “Real men cry manly tears, baby boy.” 

Then Peter would cry because he would feel lucky as hell to have the merc in his life, even if Wade insisted Peter somehow drew the short straw in the boyfriend department. Peter loved the merc, wholeheartedly. And nothing drove that home more than seeing his lifeless body on a table. He watched, waiting for the slightest movement, the tiniest flutter of his eyelids, any sign that he was coming back. 

Aunt May came by with a travel cup of soup and thermos of chamomile tea. She sat both items on the small bedside table and pulled Peter into a tight hug. Peter was so grateful that she was with him right now, otherwise he would surely go crazy. May was the strong one, not the type to show emotion. When Ben died, she shed her tears in private, always stalwart and stoic in the face of horrible pain. Peter wished he was more like her, but right now he couldn’t be. 

She helped Peter settle into the chair, tucking another pillow behind his back and handing him the soup. Then she looked at Wade, nodding as she said, “He’s looking much better. His skull is completely healed, I see.”

Peter nodded, sipping at the soup. He didn’t even try to hide how his voice cracked as he said, “He should be back soon. I hope. I…” He fell silent, tears again flowing over his lashes. “I need him to come back.”

May squeezed Peter’s shoulder. “He wouldn’t leave you for anything, sweetheart.”

“How’s Cap?” Peter asked after a moment. 

“Doing well. Took a couple bullets in his leg,” May said as she pulled another chair over to the bed. “He thinks he’ll be back in action in short order. You superheroes and your healing factors. I swear, you’re all reckless.”

Peter sighed. “I know. Wade is terrible about it. He just dives right in, no matter the odds.” He took another sip of soup, before saying, “Did I ever tell you that he actually shot himself in the chest once to prove that he was really himself?”

May raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah. Shot himself. Twice. Right in the heart, and just said, ‘What’s a couple bullets in the chest between friends?’ like it was no big deal.” Peter bit his lip. “He can’t… God… He can’t keep doing this. When the baby’s here… I… I can’t keep being Spiderman. And he… We can’t be risking our lives. We can’t have every asshole villain gunning for us.”

“That’s something you’ll have to talk to him about, sweetheart,” May said. 

Peter sighed. “When this first happened, it felt like the end of the world. It really did. I hated it. I felt violated. But now… I’m going to be thirty soon, and I’ve never doubted that I would be Spiderman forever. I have this power, these abilities, and I feel like I need to help others with them. But I also want to be there when little Ben is grown up. I don’t want to miss birthdays and holidays and first days…”

May smiled. “Sounds like you’ve made your decision.”

“But Wade…” Peter felt his eyes watering. “I can’t do this without him. I need him with me, Aunt May. I’ve never felt like this with anyone. Not Gwen, not MJ...No one has ever made me feel the way he makes me feel.”

The sudden beep of the heart monitor made both May and Peter jump and turn towards the screen. It took a few seconds, but there was another pulse. And soon the screen depicted the steady heartbeat of the merc. 

Peter set aside his cup, scooting to the edge of his chair so he could hold Wade’s hand. He knew from past experience that coming back from the dead could be somewhat traumatic for the merc. More than once he’d come out of it screaming. Or crying. Usually, he would look disappointed that he had come back at all. That thought made Peter’s heart ache. 

May left the room, wanting to give the two privacy when Wade woke. It took another hour, but finally Wade’s eyes fluttered, then snapped open as he gasped, “Peter!”

Peter stood, still holding the merc’s hand. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Wade took a shuddering breath, letting out slowly as he settled back against the pillow. He raised his free hand, touching Peter’s tear-stained cheek. “I didn’t want you to see me like this, baby boy. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Peter leaned into the touch, and said, “You’re back. That’s all that matters.”

“I heard you,” Wade said softly.

“Heard me?” Peter said, his brow scrunched. 

“You said I can’t keep doing this,” Wade said, thumb swiping away another tear. “You’re right. I can’t. I don’t want to. It’s not the same now. It hasn’t been since…” He sighed heavily. “I’ve already lost my family. I don’t want…” The merc’s voice cracked. “I don’t want to lose you. And I don’t want you to lose me either.”

Peter didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say something. He felt like he was going to burst, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was, “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby boy,” Wade said, his hand going to Peter’s shoulder and sliding down his arm. He scooted over in the bed a little, and Peter got in beside him. He had to lay with his back to Wade because of his belly. Often in their own bed, they would sleep facing each other, but right now he wanted to be wrapped up in the merc’s warmth, to feel him alive and surrounding him. 

Wade’s hand slipped under the hoodie, finding the bare skin of Peter’s stomach. He pressed a kiss to the back of Peter’s neck, and realized that the younger man had already fallen asleep. Wade smiled and nuzzled his face into Peter’s messy hair. 

His body ached. He was exhausted and hungry. The world was still a bit hazy, and the scent of death was still in his nose. But Wade Wilson was happy. He could feel it down to his bones. This was the happiest he’d ever been. Nothing compared. Nothing at all. 

For years---decades---the happiest moments were those spent in Death’s arms. The dark, blissful nothingness that was always too short lived to be enjoyed, and always quickly forgotten like a dream. 

But this right here, laying in a hospital bed with his pregnant boyfriend and the soft feel of their baby kicking against his scarred palm, this was bliss. This was joy. This was the life he never knew he wanted. 

Even if it meant never pulling the trigger again, Wade knew he would give up everything to make this last. With that thought, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	9. Wade Is A Giver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers have a baby shower.

The next time the Avengers assembled, it was in the common room for a baby shower. Aunt May was a pro at coordinating everyone’s schedules, even the more elusive members of the group like Natasha. The Black Widow was not a fan of such events, but she still arrived on time, carrying a pastel blue package under her arm. Pepper was instrumental in getting Tony to show up to the event, and made sure that he footed the bill for the bassinet-shaped cake. Thor was ecstatic that humans celebrated the arrival of an infant in such a way, and kind of went overboard with the gifts. It took Thor, Jane, and Darcy to carry all of them in, and even then, Jane flagged down a couple interns to help with the hoard. 

 

Peter’s belly was stretched to its limit now. He lived in sweatpants and flipflops because his ankles were swollen most of the time. Wade waited on him hand and foot, making sure that he was comfortable though his whole body was in a state of discomfort. Every day, it was getting clearer that the time was close for the baby to be born.

 

Most notably was the sudden appearance of “the hole”. 

 

The Hole, as Wade called it, was something that went unnoticed until one evening a couple weeks after the ULTIMATUM showdown. Wade and Peter were laying in bed, exchanging lazy kisses. Wade was stroking up and down Peter’s sides, gently kneading his muscles when his hand hit something slick. 

 

Wade jerked his hand back and turned on the light. And there, on Peter’s lower left side, was a strange looking, fleshy slit, with a slick clear fluid leaking out of it. Peter was horrified. And Wade… Wade wasn’t horrified so much as fascinated by Peter’s “man-gina”. He kept poking at it, which caused Peter to threaten the merc with his web slingers. This is how Wade ended up webbed to the ceiling the morning before the baby shower. 

 

In the common room, Peter and Wade sat on the couch, surrounded by the rest of the guests and a sea of wrapping paper. There were onesies, bottles, bibs, blankets, a custom diaper bag with Spiderman’s logo on one end and Deadpool’s on the other, lots of stuffed animals, photo albums and picture frames, baby stroller, car seat, bouncer, baby bath tub, many outfits, and enough diapers to last the first year. The diapers were Clint’s contribution. 

 

While the gifts were fantastic, Peter was the most excited to finally get to meet Blind Al. She showed up just before everyone started digging into the cake. Wade’s face lit up seeing her. Peter knew some of the details of Wade and Al’s history. How he was originally sent to kill her, but ended up saving her life. Then there was the many years where Al was basically Wade’s prisoner. Now, Wade was footing the bill for a nice retirement villa in Las Vegas. 

 

Wade hopped up from the couch and scooped Al up off the floor in a big bear hug. “How ya doin, Alfred?”

 

Blind Al knocked him upside the head. “Let me down, Kruger!”

 

Wade didn’t let her down. “I thought you’d be nicer as an older old lady.”

 

“Yeah, and I thought you having a steady piece of tail would teach you the value of breath mints,” Al grumbled back.

 

“Just admit that you missed me, and I’ll stop breathing on you,” Wade said, grin bigger than ever.

 

Al frowned. “Quit teasing me with my freedom.”

 

Wade let her down. “Least I don’t keep you in the box anymore.”

 

Once she adjusted her shirt, she asked, “Which one’d you knock up?”

 

“That would be me,” Peter said as he pushed himself up and took the blind woman’s hand. “Wade’s told me a little about you. It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Alfred.”

 

“Just Al,” she said, face still in that pinched, pissed off expression. She tilted her head towards Wade. “So what am I supposed to do now? Just stand here and mingle?”

 

Aunt May nudged her arm. “How about some cake?”

 

“Sounds wonderful,” Al said, accepting the small plate. Then her brow furrowed. “You sound familiar to me. Have we met? Or something…”

 

Wade’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Uh… No. You’ve never met Aunt May. At least, not this Aunt May.”

 

Both Peter and May looked at Wade. 

 

“It was a teleportation hiccup, we ended up in the 70’s in an alternate continuity…” Wade fish-mouthed and shrugged. “Uh...It was really weird.”

 

Peter looked at May, and both shrugged.

 

It was a long day, and by the time the baby shower was over, Peter was exhausted. Wade ended up carrying him bridal style back to their room and laying him on the bed. He dutifully tucked the pillows around Peter’s belly and pulled the blanket up over him. 

 

“Stay with me a little bit,” Peter said, reaching for the merc.

 

Wade kicked off his boots and climbed between the sheets, snuggling up behind Peter. He kissed the younger man’s hair, their hands tangling together against Peter’s belly. 

 

“Al is...interesting,” Peter said with a soft laugh. 

 

“She’s the closest thing to a mother I’ve got,” Wade said softly. “I mean, it’s the biggest case of Stockholm Syndrome over, but still.”

 

Peter grinned. “You have that affect on people.”

 

Wade pushed himself up on his elbow. “What do you mean?”

 

“You just have this way of making people love you,” Peter said smiling up at the merc. “When I first met you… I thought you were crazy. Absolutely insane. And you were working with Cable…”

 

Wade nodded. “Yeah. I… I was a lot different back then.”

 

“I know.” Peter stroked the merc’s arm. “I wish I would have gotten to know you better back then. I wish I would have found out how wonderful you really are sooner. I wish I would have…”

 

Wade silenced him with a soft kiss. He brushed Peter’s hair back from his forehead and kissed his brow. “Baby boy, I wasn’t in my right mind back then. I wasn’t. I would have done something to hurt you or to hurt someone else. You and me… We happened when it could happen. When it was the right time to happen.”

 

Peter smiled. “I love you, Wade.”

 

“I love you too,” Wade whispered, kissing him again. He patted him on the hip, and said, “Take a nap. Get some rest. I’m gonna start bringing all our stuff down from the common room.”

 

“Okay,” Peter said with yawn. 

 

Aunt May and Pepper were sitting down in the common room, feet propped up on the coffee table, both eating a slice of cake. Both ladies smiled at Wade when he came through the door. 

 

“How’s Peter?” May asked. 

 

“My sweet little spider’s sleeping,” Wade said with a grin. “Figured I’d get everything down to the suite, maybe get some stuff set up, get dinner started…”

 

Pepper let out a soft, “Awww” before saying, “Seriously, where can I get a Wade? I need a Wade.”

 

Tony was at the door. “I thought you had really high standards, Pep.”

 

Pepper crossed her arms. “I dated you, didn’t I? I think that would qualify as a low point.”

 

“Oh, snap!” Wade said with a laugh. 

 

Tony frowned. “Seriously? Wade’s better?”

 

“Wade is a giver,” Pepper said, patting the merc on the shoulder.

 

“I gave you an unlimited expense account,” Tony countered.

 

“You ditched me on our anniversary to go skydiving with Thor,” Pepper growled. 

 

Tony shrugged. “I don’t regret that at all.”

 

“Exactly,” Pepper said with a roll of her eyes. 

 

Aunt May picked up a stack of baby clothes, and said, “I’ll help you, Wade.”

 

Out in the hall, Wade looked at May. “Am I really a good boyfriend?”

 

“Yes,” May said with a laugh. “Pepper’s right. There needs to be more men like you in the world. In your own way, you remind me of Ben.”

 

Wade paused. “Really?”

 

May nodded. “It’s the way you care about people, especially Peter. I couldn’t be happier.”

 

“I…” Wade cleared his throat, and his eyes were glimmering. “Thanks, Miss May.”

 

She nudged him. “Come on. We’ve got a lot of stuff to move.”

 

It took about half an hour to get everything down to the suite, and a little longer to get it all organized in the nursery. Peter slept through all of it, thanks to both Aunt May and Wade’s ability to be stealthy. They decided to make dinner together. Wade took care of roasting a chicken while Aunt May chopped vegetables for a stir fry. 

 

No one was surprised that Cap stopped by. He was freshly showered and dressed in a button down shirt tucked into his khakis. He greeted May with a kiss on the cheek, and sat at the counter to watch Wade cook. The music Wade selected was from the 40’s, and Steve was clearly enjoying it, and asked May to dance in the living room. 

 

Wade leaned against the cabinet, watching the two dancing the jitterbug or whatever the hell they were doing, a smile splitting his ruined face. 

 

That was when he heard the sound of agony coming from the bedroom. Wade dropped the wooden stirrer, and leaped over the counter, rushing to the bedroom.

 

Peter’s face was twisted in pain, and he let out another cry of pain. 

 

“Peter!” Wade practically shouted. “What is it?”

 

“Baby!” Peter gritted his teeth. “It hurts. Oh it fucking hurts. Banner. Get Banner.”

 

Wade scooped him up off the bed, and Steve was already calling the doctor before they were out of the bedroom. Wade practically ran to the laboratory, repeating over and over, “It’s gonna be okay, baby boy. You’re gonna be okay.”

 

Luckily, Bruce was already at the lab. He had the door open, and ushered them into the examination room where Wade very gently sat Peter on the bed. Peter’s breathing was harsh and fast, and Wade was doing his best to calm him down. 

 

“It’s okay, Peter,” Wade said, his voice surprisingly calm even though he was shaking. He took Peter’s hand and placed it on his chest. “Breath with me, Peter. Come on. Slow it down. Deep breath in…”

 

Peter did as instructed, and soon found that the pain was starting to go away. He had a tight grip on the merc’s arm, and he said, “I’m scared, Wade.”

 

“It’s okay,” Wade said, putting an arm around him. “I’m here. Banner’s here. Miss May and Cap are here. We got you, okay? Everything’s going to be fine. Just fine.”


	10. Labor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade finally meet their son.

Four hours in, Wade was walking with Peter around the room, arm looped around his waist and holding his hand. Peter was between contractions. He was flushed and sweating, and no amount of water could cool his skin. And the Hole was getting bigger. It was a visible change, and Peter couldn’t look at it without getting a little queasy. 

 

“You are awesome, you know that?” Wade said as they rounded the end of the bed. “Other than the occasional screams, you’re kicking this whole birth thing in the ass, baby boy.”

 

Peter gave him a sideways glare. “I don’t need the pep talk.”

 

“I know, sweetums,” he said, kissing Peter’s sweaty cheek. “Just trying to, ya know, be encouraging and shit.”

 

“Thanks,” Peter said with a grimace. He could feel the next contraction coming. For some reason, he imagined that he would be able to forego this part of giving birth. Maybe because he missed out on the actual conception part of it. What kind of alien assholes skips the sex and still makes you suffer the birth pains? 

 

“I need to sit,” Peter said as he stepped towards the bed. Rather than sitting, he braced his arms on the edge of the mattress. “Everything hurts.”

 

Wade was behind him, massaging his back and sides. “I know. I wish you didn’t have to go through all this.”

 

“I honestly want to stab the alien bastards,” Peter said through gritted teeth. “This is undignified.”

 

“At least you’re not giving birth out your butt,” Wade said with a laugh.

 

Again, Peter glared. “Stop talking.”

 

Before Wade could say anything else, Peter let out a long groan of pain, sheet twisting in a white knuckle grip. His knees buckled and Wade was there to catch him. He placed him on the bed, Peter gripping his arms with the same flesh-tearing hold. Wade didn’t even flinch at the feel of his wrist dislocating. Peter’s super strength would have killed a lesser man.

 

Once the pain started to subside, Peter saw the odd angle of Wade’s wrist and tears sprang to his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Wade. I didn’t mean…”

 

“Shhhh,” Wade said, kissing Peter’s forehead. “It’s me, okay? I can take it. If you accidentally rip my arm off, it will reattach. This is why we’re perfect for each other, you know?”

 

Peter leaned his head against Wade’s shoulder. A gentle knock on the door alerted Peter and Wade to Bruce’s presence. He walked into the room as he put on a pair of rubber gloves. “Just need to see how far the, um, birth-hole has dilated.”

 

“This is so undignified,” Peter said as he hiked up his hospital gown.

 

Bruce chuckled. “Undignified? You have to expose your side. Sure it’s a weird hole, but I don’t have to get up close and personal with your genitalia.”

 

“The man makes a valid point,” Wade said with a smirk. 

 

Peter’s glare was back, but not as intimidating considering he was turning a little white. “How long do you think?”

 

“Soon,” Bruce said with an amused smile. “If you get the feeling that you need to push? Call me. I’m going to go get a sandwich.”

 

Peter frowned and settled back against the elevated head of the bed. Before he could ask, Wade was there with a cup of ice water. Peter took it with a grateful smile, gulping it down greedily. He relaxed a little, enjoying the chilly feeling sweeping through his body. 

 

“More?” Wade asked, holding up the tumbler. 

 

“I’m good,” Peter said, handing him the glass. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

 

Wade laughed and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s understandable, baby boy.”

 

Banner’s definition of ‘soon’ was somewhat different from Peter and Wade’s idea of ‘soon’. 

 

The hours went by at a snail’s pace, punctuated by sudden violent pain, lots of apologies, and a few moments of sleep. People drifted by the laboratory to check on progress. Aunt May was there every few minutes to offer support or bring Wade coffee. Steve was usually with her, ever amazed by the spectacle of a man in labor. Of course Clint had to make an appearance, usually just to crack a few jokes. He stopped when Wade grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and kicked him out of the laboratory. 

 

Dr. Stephan Strange arrived when Peter was close to the 12 hour mark. He joined Bruce for the examinations, and offered Peter a magic tonic to calm the pain, but Peter refused. 

 

Hour 16, just after the sun was rising, Peter started to push. They moved him onto his side, hoping that gravity would assist the delivery. There was no doubt that everyone in the building could hear the screams when the head started to pass out of the hole. Peter was shaking with each awkward push. 

 

Bruce was ready with a soft towel, urging Peter to keep pushing. Peter grunted, nearly bit his lip off with how hard he pushed. The pain spiked, his vision whited out. And when he could again hear, he could hear a shrill cry. 

 

“Is he out? He’s out?” Peter asked, trying to see what was going on. He realized that he was back on the bed. Wade was smoothing his hair and whispering, “So good, baby boy. You did so damn good. He’s beautiful. He’s fucking beautiful.”

 

Then Aunt May was placing the small, wiggling baby onto Peter’s chest. His heart was pounding as his eyes flooded over. He couldn’t hold back the awe he felt as he gasped, “It’s you. You’re out. You’re here. You’re really here.”

 

Wade kissed Peter’s forehead, and Peter could see that the merc was crying, a broad smile on his face. He gripped the merc’s arm and said, “He’s really here, Wade. He’s here.”

 

“He’s here,” Wade said, his voice quavering. “You’re amazing, Peter. He’s gorgeous. Just like you.”

 

Peter gazed down at the baby. Benjamin Winston. He barely even registered the pain at that moment, all of it washed away by looking into the golden-brown eyes peeking out of his scrunched little face. He couldn’t help the tears or the laughter that burst out of him. 

 

***

 

Aunt May and Dr. Strange walked Wade and Peter through the proper way to hold an infant, even one with a healing factor on par with Wade’s. And an active X-gene. What that could mean for the future, no one knew. The only thing that mattered was making sure the bottle was just the right temperature, that his neck was supported, that his skin was clean and kept from chafing. Wade could do those maintenance things. He was good at maintenance. 

 

They left the laboratory with Peter seated in a wheel chair, with Ben cradled in his arms. He was exhausted, his eyes sunken, but he was still smiling. Wade helped him into bed, and despite all their preparations for the nursery, Wade moved the baby bed into their bedroom. Neither wanted to be too far away from their little bundle, who was doing a fair amount of sleeping. 

 

Peter pretty much passed out the moment his head hit the pillow. Wade tried to sleep, but every soft sigh, every little coo had him up by Ben’s bed, checking to make sure he was secure and dry. 

 

Thus, Wade was already awake when Ben had his first little fit. It was no big deal, just a wet diaper. The merc dispatched the dirty with efficiency, making sure that Ben was clean and dry before deftly swaddling him back in his blanket. He was still a little fussy, so Wade walked to the kitchen to prepare a bottle. 

 

“It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside,” Wade sang, the baby’s eyes fixed on him while he quietly drank his dinner. “I’m not one of those who can easily hide…”

 

Wade continued, slowly swaying back and forth, ever amazed that this tiny creature was in his arms. His mind played it over from beginning to end, and every time it felt more and more like a miracle. He was grinning as he sang, “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you’re in the world.”

 

Ben was finished eating about the same time Wade was finished with the song. He put a rag on his shoulder, and softly patted the baby’s back. 

 

There was a soft knock on the door, and Wade peeked through to see Aunt May standing out in the hallway. He opened up, and May’s eyes lit up.

 

“You look like a natural, sweetheart,” May said, giving him a hug around the waist. 

 

“I was scared shitless to touch him at first,” Wade said with a soft laugh. “I’ve never been involved in life like this, you know? I’m a mercenary. I… I’ve done a lot of bad things, Miss May. Stuff I shouldn’t have done. I just… I hope I can do this right.”

 

“You will,” she said confidently. “I brought some sandwiches by for you and for Peter when he wakes.”

 

Wade smiled. “I’ll eat once little punkin’ goes to sleep.” On cue, Ben burped. 

 

May let out a girlish giggle, and said, “He’s so cute.”

 

“Get’s his good looks from Peter,” Wade said as he shifted the baby back to the crook of his arm. 

 

“He’s got your eyes, though,” May said.

 

“I hope that’s all he’s got from me,” Wade said, a hint of sadness in his voice. 

 

May touched his arm. “I know you’ve done bad things, Wade. You’ve never made that a secret. But I also know you’re a good man. You are kind and caring. Those are qualities worth passing on.”

 

Wade smiled and nodded his head. “Thanks.”

 

“Any chance you’ll let me hold my great-nephew?” May asked.

 

Wade nodded. “Any time you want, Miss May.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only one more chapter to this Fluff Fest. :)


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A morning in the life of the Parker-Wilson Family.

Peter was a nervous wreck as he stood in front of the mirror trying to tie his tie. Normally, this was a very quick activity, but after three tries, he was about to throw the damned thing on the floor and shout expletives like his ex-mercenary husband. 

 

“You ready, sweetums?” Wade said, poking his head in the bedroom door. 

 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Peter sighed, again trying to tie the tie. 

 

Wade walked in, batting Peter’s hands away. “You will do just fine, baby boy. You are smart, you’re funny, and gosh darn it, people like you.”

 

Peter laughed and shook his head. “They are going to hate me.”

 

“Impossible,” Wade said as he slid the perfectly tied knot up to Peter’s throat. He picked away a couple pieces of lint and adjusted the lapels on Peter’s black pin-striped suit-jacket. “You are going to be the best ever science professor in the history of ever.”

 

“You are biased,” Peter said with a laugh. 

 

“Of course I am,” Wade said with a laugh. “I’m a big fan of your mouth on my meat stick.”

 

“Wade!” Peter shook his head. “Seriously, stop saying that.”

 

“You told me I can’t say ‘blow job’ anymore since the incident with the Pre School teacher,” Wade said with a smirk. 

 

“She still glares at me every time I go to pick Ben up. It’s embarrassing,” Peter grumbled. “You really need to control your language. He picks up everything you say. Everything.”

 

Wade cocked an eyebrow. “They call me the Merc with a Mouth, not the Merc with the Verbal Filter.”

 

“But you’re not a merc anymore,” Peter said, jabbing a finger in his chest.

 

Wade shrugged. “Yeah, but S.H.I.E.L.D. Consultant on Advanced Weaponry and Ordinance with a Mouth is, uh, a freakin’ mouthful, and not even half as catchy.”

 

Peter smiled and pulled him into a kiss. Wade devoured Peter’s mouth, doing his absolute best to distract him from his anxiety via sexual stimulation. It was starting to work, at least until...

 

“Dad!!” 

 

Wade pulled back, and said, “Duty calls, baby boy.”

 

“Go on down. I’ll be there in a minute,” Peter said, his face flushed. 

 

Wade wiggled his eyebrows. “Made your pants tight, didn’t I.”

 

Peter glared, but Wade was all ready down the hall, sliding down the bannister like the bad example he was. The house they bought wasn’t too far from Aunt May’s place. A decent town house, in a fairly good neighborhood that had improved substantially since two former superheroes moved in. It was a fixer upper, but Wade had put his soul into making the place immaculate.

 

Ben was standing by the front door with his oversized backpack dangling from his shoulders. It was a custom made bag, hand sewn by Wade. Black and red, with a Spiderman emblem on the top flap. Wade scooped him up, tossing him in the air almost high enough to touch the ceiling, the little boy letting out a squeal of delight. 

 

“What are you going to do today, little man?” Wade asked after settling Ben on his hip.

 

“Gonna kick butt,” Ben replied with a toothy grin.

 

“Wade!” Peter snapped. “What are you teaching him? Seriously. He’s…”

 

Both Wade and Been simultaneously zipped their mouths shut and tossed the key. 

 

Peter shook his head. “Miss Millen is going to call me. Again. I can just feel it.”

 

“Just let me take the call this time, sweetums,” Wade said, giving Ben a wink. “I can handle the big, scary Pre School teacher.” Any protest Peter was forming was silenced with a loud kiss on both his cheeks from Wade and Ben. 

 

Peter sighed, smiling. “I can’t believe this is my life.”

 

Wade smiled. “That’s my line, baby boy. Come on. Breakfast first, then school.”

 

They filed into the kitchen, Wade placing Ben in his chair before placing a stack of fluffy pancakes in front of Peter, and a stack of dinosaur pancakes in front of Ben. The three fell silent as they ate, silence only interrupted by Wade’s coffee slurping or Ben’s occasional roars as he devoured his pastry dinosaurs. 

 

Once breakfast was accomplished, Ben and Peter put the dishes in the dishwasher while Wade went in search of his baseball cap and hoodie. Despite S.H.I.E.L.D. regulations and multiple citations directly from Phil Coulson, Wade still refused to wear a suit to work, opting instead for black tactical pants and a red and black hoodie. He hadn’t touched his Deadpool suit since the robot attack four years ago. Though, it was still down in the basement, along with Peter’s web shooters and spandex Spiderman suit. 

 

Ben didn’t know anything about his dads’ superhero (or supervillain) past. And if Wade and Peter have it their way, he never will. He’s just a normal kid. Well, a normal kid who’s scraped knees only last a few minutes, who occasionally gets to have dinner at Avenger’s Tower, and got to use Captain America’s shield as a snow-disc. 

 

The Small World Pre School was only a couple blocks from the Parker-Wilson house. It was a small operation, with only 25 kids attending every day. Peter liked it because it was close enough that they could walk Ben to school every day, and close enough for Aunt May to pick up Ben on his half days or when Wade or Peter were running late. 

 

It was hard at first for Wade and Peter to leave their former lives. Every time a disaster happened, Peter would itch to go out and help. Not to mention he sometimes missed swinging from buildings and soaring above the streets. There were a few times that Wade was almost drawn back into the mercenary world, mainly because he craved the danger. However, his love for their little brown-haired boy always won out in the end. 

 

Miss Millen was waiting by the gate. She smiled at Peter and glared at Wade before taking Ben by the hand. The little boy rushed off to play with the other kids. Peter and Wade stood for a moment, watching him. Every time, Peter was reluctant to make Wade leave. He knew about the ex-merc’s childhood, which wasn’t much of a childhood at all. That was why he didn’t complain too much when Wade let Ben play in the mud or stay up late watching cartoons. And toys… Ben had more toys than any 10 kids needed. Wade wanted Ben to have the childhood he never had, and Peter loved him for it. 

 

After they were sure that Ben was safe inside his classroom, Peter and Wade walked down the street where Wade’s S.H.I.E.L.D. stooge (Wade’s term) was waiting to take them into the city. 

 

They sat in the back seat, shoulders resting together while Peter looked over his notes for his first laboratory lecture. It felt good to finally get to use his Ph. D for something, and even get to show off his brilliance, though he would never say that out loud. He took out his glasses and put them on his nose as he read.

 

Wade smiled, and said, “You are so sexy with the glasses, baby boy.”

 

Peter tried to keep reading. 

 

“I need to sneak into your classroom sometime.” Wade put his head on Peter’s shoulder. “I’ll be a good student, I swear. I’ll do the Indiana Jones thing, and write, ‘I love you, Spidey’ on my eyelids, and give you the sexy gaze for an hour.”

 

“My class is two hours long, Wade,” Peter said, fighting a smile at the mental image of Wade sitting at the front of the classroom in a puffy pink poodle skirt, fawning over him.

 

Wade grinned. “Yeah. That second hour, I’d sneak under your desk and…”

 

“Uh, Mr. Wilson?” the S.H.I.E.L.D. stooge said, interrupting.

 

“Yes?” Wade said, his voice deep and gruff. Peter smiled as a chill ran down his spine. He loved that voice in the bedroom. “Can I help you, stooge?”

 

“I’m a field agent, Mr. Wilson. I don’t appreciate being called a stooge.”

 

Peter bit his finger to keep from laughing.

 

Wade cocked an eyebrow. “You are a field agent trainee, stooge. And you’ll never be a full fledged agent if you piss me off.”

 

“We’re at the college, sir,” the stooge said with a frown. 

 

Peter closed his briefcase, and Wade got out before taking Peter’s hand and pulling him out of the car and into a kiss. “You’re going to be great today, Professor Parker.”

 

“Parker-Wilson,” Peter corrected. “Don’t be too mean to the stooge.”

 

“I won’t. Promise.” Wade kissed him again, drawing a few stares from the passing students. Peter knew better than to try to explain PDA to Wade Parker-Wilson. It didn’t compute. After a slap on the butt, Peter started towards the Science Building. 

 

Wade got back in the car, and said, “To Headquarters, stooge.”

 

Wade slouched back in his seat, pulling his tablet from his pocket. The screen came to life with a picture of Peter and Ben sitting on the cabinet, making faces at him. Wade grinned, feeling that familiar warmth spread through his whole body. Yeah, he couldn’t believe this was his life, and he certainly wasn’t going to complain. Even if every day involved reports to Phil Coulson and riding with a stooge. He wouldn’t trade this life for anything. Not even a pirate ship.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading. I've really enjoyed the comments everyone has left. I'm pretty sure there will be more Spideypool stories in my future. 
> 
> Anyway, Thanks for reading! :)


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